Beautiful Bastard [H.S]

8•That's Forbbiden

Harry's pov

I followed Alexis into the library she closed the door behind us and I pulled the book from my back pocket

She said she'd be reading so no one else would walk in and find us

Alexis sat down looking at me to do the same I sat on the opposite side from her I passed her the book she opened to see I had read to page 231 I was proud of that but her side notes got me through it all thank god for her translations or I probably would have gotten passed page 1

she sat back and started to read

I listened she was such a great reader her voice was so soft and her words were so fluid like

Her words filled the room, filled my ears, filled my mind

"When I saw you... I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew" that got me the quote resonated Romeo was someone I wanted to be to say things like that

Alexis would like that

She'd like a smart man I wished I could do that ,be that for her she deserved that she deserved anything she wanted

"Harry?" I darted my head to her she smiled softly "you listening?" I nodded

I opened my mouth but words didn't escape nothing came I had something to say... I think

"You thinking about something?" She asked encouraging me

"I-I didn't smile..." I mumbled

"What?" She sat up from her relaxed reading position

"W-when you looked at me I saw you and you smiled at me ,so beautifully, but I... looked away..." I trailed off "I was so scared I crossed some line I couldn't hold your gaze you... you're just so much better than me I couldn't put myself level with your stature" I ranted I realized that but I was right there were words I was thinking

"Harry... what are you trying to say here?"

I swallowed hard and looked away staring blankly ahead how I had been before she started was read "I dunno" I rubbed my face where was I trying to go with that?

"It's okay" she rubbed my back "I know you're head is probably buzzing good books make you think like that come here and I'll read some more it's okay to feel like that... it's wonderful" I looked at her and she did look very happy I bit my lip nodding

I scooted a bit closer she read more stopping to put everything into terms I could understand she knew just what I questioned about in my head she defined big words and told me what they meant to say as they talked to each other

"Come closer Harry you are so distant" I glanced at her that softly smile melted my will power I gave into her tugging and let her pull me next to her

She started reading again I tried to get in a relaxed position too but it wasn't working I was shifting and twitching we were almost touching

She kept reading but I jumped when she wrapped her arm around me I stayed stiff looking at my lap

I didn't wanna think too much about her hand on me I'd end up rambling again but... I couldn't do that again I didn't think before I spoke the first time I really had to work on that

Thinking before I spoke

I bit my lip hard as she pulled me to lean on her shoulder stroking my hair I was wide eyed as she massaged my scalp with her nails it was amazing

Better than I deserved

I let out a shaky breath it was too much I tried to pull away

"Majesty please" I pulled her hand away

"What?" She looked at me

"We can't... I can't get s-so close" I stood up

"Why?" She stood up setting my book down

"Y-you are my Queen a-and you're married to my King I can't do that!" I panicked 

"Harry I don't love him I was forced to marry him we aren't anything I have no affection toward him or from him"

"Alexis that's still my King! He'll kill me!"

"I'd never let that happen to you" Alexis shook her head stepped closer reaching to cup my face

"This isn't happening I can't let it" I stepped back from her "I am your guard and nothing more"

She looked away "nothing more...?"

"Yes ma'am"

"Id like to go to my room now" she mumbled I nodded

"After you Majesty" she grabbed the book and passed it back to me I took it and made sure our fingers didn't touch I couldn't handle that

"Thank you" I whispered

She just hummed and walked past me I followed behind but couldn't look at her she stepped into her room I went to follow "I'd like you to be stationed at the door... I need a bit of time to myself"

I nodded and swallowed hard knowing I upset her "my Queen" she raised an eyebrow "I'm sorry I really am"

She nodded and looked away "your loyal to your king... I just... I need someone" she whimpered

"I-I can't be that someone..." that hurt that really hurt to say

She sniffled and I grabbed the door pressing against it I couldn't stand her crying anymore than I could stand having to tell her I can't be her anything

"I won't be out of my room inform everyone" she forced the door closed

I sighed deeply and laid my forehead against the door

I turned around after and faced forward my blank stare but all I could hear was her reading to me

My father had never let my mother baby me I didn't get stories read to me I didn't get hugs or any kind of physical affection that would have made me weak and I can honestly say it did make me weak I had a lapse in loyalty to my king

He was my ruler my boss I had all my loyalty in him my queen was second that's what I was taught but...

If I could save just one...

I shook my head frowning deeply at my thoughts I stood straighter

But it was too late I already knew my answer