Volleyball

Chapter Seventeen

Okay. So, I had a major problem with apologizing and trusting, and what a major coincidence was I got an English task to write an essay about To Forgive The Worst. By that, I thought about how Valerie would do it. I thought of myself as Valerie. If I were Valerie, would I apologize Ben? Would I give Ben another chance? Would I trust Ben again? It needed a lot to think the answers and write it down onto the paper.

  It took three hours and a half to write all down and I was going to explode. Here's what my essay said:

  "Saying the words 'I'm sorry' without giving it the power from your actions to do what the words have to do is the same thing with Augustus Waters's metaphor: You put the killing thing (a cigarette) right between your teeth but you don't give it the power to do its killing.

  I learned from my mistake I had made that forgiving and apologizing aren't the simple thing to do nowadays. You've been hurt all this time and you are so hard to forgive the one's worst mistake, but, however, inside of you there's a part of you wanting to get them back because you can't keep them away from you and you can't keep your revenge all the time, which will turn into a guilty feeling.

  How do you forgive the worst? I don't know. I can never answer the question spesifically and correctly unless you're the one who forgives. It depends on your will. If you have the will to forgive the worst, then you can do it. And the opposite."

  I might not be the best essay-writer in this school but at least I tried with all the thoughts I had and it was damn hard. I couldn't expect an A for this work.

  Today was the last day of holiday. I went to a grocery store with Kim to buy some stuff. I had already taken care of my money problem and I had it covered. I could always be the parent for Kim. I wanted to know how Dad was doing right now and I wondered if Kim did, too. I still hated him but I kind of missed him. I knew he had been very reckless but I never wanted him to do anything stupid.

  "Milk!" said Kim, grabbing a carton of milk and put it inside the trolley. "All done?"

  "Yep. I think that's it," I said. "Do you want to go to a bookstore after this?" We, together, walked towards the cashier to pay our stuffs.

  "I thought you don't like reading," said Kim.

  "I don't," I said. "But you do and I have nothing to do today so I would love to find a book."

  "Okay."

  After paying our groceries, I put them inside the trunk of my car and we headed to a bookstore. When we arrived there, I let Kim go wherever she wanted unless she wouldn't get lost. I went my own way towards the comic shelves. Heck, I don't even like comics. I tried to be comfortable by reading one or two and my phone vibrated inside my jeans pocket. I pulled it out and saw the caller ID. Valerie. You're joking.

  "Hello?" I said to the phone. "Valerie?"

  "Ben," she said at the other line. "You think you won't need your death coat and gloves again or you intentionally give them to me?"

  "Um, I was thinking you can keep it so that I could meet you another time," I said, telling the truth.

  "Hmm, decent reason," she said and I smiled. "So you want to meet me?"

  "Yes, please?" I said, almost begging.

  "You know, Ben, my parents said that you are always welcome in my house."

***

  At 6 in the evening, I went to Valerie's house without Kim. She was reading her new books at her room without caring her brother leaving. She had a thing between herself and books.