I am SAD

I'm In Love

I'm in love.

I.
Am.
In.
Love.

S m i t t e n.

In love with my friend.
Who is physically a girl but is undergoing procedures to become a guy.
Now I am completely open and I love my friend for wanting to become who he really is.
But what does that make me?

Confused.

I am totally confused.

I started having feelings for him when he was a girl and hadn't come out to me as trans.

I denied those feelings because he's my friend and I don't want to lose him.

But those labels are really f*cking with my mind - excuse my french -.

But why do people have to label everything.

If someone is in love then they are in love. They don't have to be called straight, gay, lesbian or what not. They're just in love. That should be enough. I love him as a person, not as a gender or a body.

Knowing there's still something beautiful out there. That people still love...

So I'm confused. I sent him a message, because yes, I miss him. And we aren't in the same university or town. So we don't speak or see each other much.

So I sent him a message. And he answered. Which made me smile.

He answered "Hey beautiful". Which in turn made me grin.

Then he called me "princess". Which made me ache inside.

Because he only meant it in a friendly gesture but I can't help it. My heart thumped quicker and louder.

And I absolutely hate this feeling.

He's my friend - one of my closest friends at that. The only one who I've told about my SAD and depression - which I don't actually know if he took it seriously or just thought it was a phase..

Nonetheless, I might be in love.

And it freaks me out.

I don't want to be in love with him.

It will ruin me.

Our friendship.

I can't tell him, and I can't tell my other friends because they're his friends too.

So I'm screwed.

And in love.

Oh, did I forget to mention it earlier?

He's gay. Because yes, he is still interested in guys.

God help me.

I am so hopelessly screwed.

And in love with him.