09 - 02 - 2020
I haven't written in this book in quite a while. I've been ok,... good even. I have my lows, but I have quite a lot of highs too. I'm not constantly crying.
I have other problems to think about though.
Other problems like my friend being depressed. How much it hurts me to know that he is going through what I went through. How much it hurts when he tells me he doesn't want to talk, and he just wants to build a wall so he doesn't get hurt.
That's not how life works. You can't constantly build walls and think you're gonna get better. You have to face in order to fight it.
It pains me to see him like this.
I can't do anything and to make him feel better. I'm lost. I'm sad. I'm in pain because he's in pain.
It breaks my heart, quite literally.
ARG.
I want to scream. To tell him that he can't just hide from society. He needs to keep walking forward. He can't give up.
And if he does, I'll fight for him. I have to fight for him. I won't give up, even if he does. I won't. And I might end up being annoying to him, but I will stick to him like glue.
I won't let him give up. I won't.
23 - 02 - 2020
Arg, how I wish I would go back to the time I didn't love him. Life is so much better when you aren't in love with your friend who also happens to be gay. I'm just cursed for life. It has been almost three years and I still love him. I feel like it's never gonna end. God help me get over it ><
08 - 07 - 2020
I find my heartbeat quickening its pace a common occurance nowadays. My anxiety is rising, depression resurfacing. It's hell allover again. Sometimes I feel like I'm better, other times, I know I'm not.
YOU ARE READING
I am SAD
Puisi"Learning I had Social Anxiety Disorder was hard and terrifying. Knowing I have depression too is killing me." __________________ Random stuff I write when no one is looking... I'm 20 and I have social anxiety disorder and depression...
