Feeling your heartbeat race like a motorbike races when it goes to its fastest, your breathing quicken as if fear invaded your whole body when a killer is about to kill you, your body heat up to 300 degrees Celsius, your body sweat from all the heat just like when you're running a huge marathon, your heart ache as if you were having a heart attack or as if your heart was about to burst. Feeling yourself choke because something is strangling you. Feeling all these feelings as someone goes to touch or speak to you, or as you go in front of the whole class to present your work. Feeling all these feelings, these feelings that never leave, these feelings which you would usually have when you're scared out of your mind or when you're going to die or going to get killed...
Knowing you're overreacting because someone is only going to talk yo you or you're only going to talk to someone, because you're walking somewhere and you feel like you're being judged all the time...
But not being able to stop it, them. Not being able to stop those feelings as you start to panic.
Your body is suppose to be a temple that protects your soul, the queen of your world; but the queen of my world has been imprisoned and my world has been taken over by a stronger and braver woman. My temple is no longer protecting my soul but this unknown and strange woman. She seems nice and caring until you feel her strong hands wrap around your neck perfectly.
One wrong move, one threatening move and you feel her grip tighten, the temple starts falling apart. It never went to ruins, but it has scars. Scars can reopen. Your body can only answer to commands, and doesn't know the difference between my soul, the queen, and this fearful woman. This woman is my anxiety. This woman is my fear. This woman is the reason why I prefer being alone than being around people. She is the reason why these feelings appear. Social Anxiety Disorder is her name. It is not a joke. It is not something to just dismiss. Social Phobia is real and it never leaves. It is a threat to the victim. SAD is a mental illness that you cannot leave behind, forget. Because it takes over your mind, your body, your soul and it crushes you until there's nothing left. You lose your voice in the process and all you can do is wait until someone adds up all the clues you try to give them, until you're finally saved.
YOU ARE READING
I am SAD
Poetry"Learning I had Social Anxiety Disorder was hard and terrifying. Knowing I have depression too is killing me." __________________ Random stuff I write when no one is looking... I'm 20 and I have social anxiety disorder and depression...
