Feeling down

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I'm feeling down.
I don't know what's wrong with me, but I am.
I'd rather berry myself into books I write.
The fictive books I write.
Is it a phase? I do wish so.
I'm dying... Mentally.
I don't know if it's my return to school after Christmas holidays or if it's just school.
I should be happy, but...
I'm not unhappy, I smile, right?
I smile. That's something.
I don't know if it's because I this k I have SAD or if it's my addiction to gay men and my wishing I was a man to be gay.
I'm a girl and I like it.
I like dressing up and looking really good in a dress and heels.
But, I do keep to myself and I don't talk to people I don't know very well nor do I to people I do know.
I do t like attention but I don't like feeling lonely.
Well, sometimes I do. More often now.
Is it a phase? Answer me.
Is it depression? It can't be.

So I'll hide. I'll hide behind my smile because no one shall know.

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