Kai

Chapter 11

The monotone and serene dripping of my shower faucet soothe my mind. My thoughts were put on hold to cater to the cleansing of my soul. I'd set myself on my bathroom floor, staring into nothing. I am going places the average person can never reach and I could see things the average person can never see. Disrupting my trance was the memories that Kai and I had created. I hated every part of him, but I couldn't remove him from my mind or any plane of existence. He was everywhere and I couldn't help myself but to feel a sort of Interest in this person. After all he did save me two times in a row, ain't that a lucky charm. You know what they say, if you keep running into the same person it's for a reason. Whatever his significance is i must somehow accept it without making him swallow a bullet. Besides who said I have to do the killing.

"So he saved you at the club?" Reign said folding her arms. "Yeah and yesterday in the elevator" I added. "I still don't like him" she said mean mugging me. "I know you don't. Trust me, I know it's going to take a long while for you to ever forgive him. I just don't understand why he's saving me in the first place" I said carrying on. Reign stared at me deviously. "You like him" she declared. My heart dropped at the end of the sentence. "No, I don't. I barely even know him" I claimed. "Why is he the topic of this conversation?" she asked. I took a moment to think about the question not coming to any answer at all. I don't know why he's the topic of this conversation, but I do not like him.

My converse contacted the gravel road. I decided to take a walk around my neighborhood, while Reign ran some errands. I took some time to consciously consider myself. As an individual there is plenty of room for self healing, especially if you've seen the things I have. I'm not sure if I can make this world a better place. With people like me, cages are necessary. My influence isn't needed, but as long as I'm alright everything else is alright too.

I'm not happy, everything about me is grey. I can't bring myself to thoroughly enjoy anything. I wanna live, but it's just not meant to be. Mentally i feel drained of my will to do anything. In the span of things my life seems like a blur. All I'm here for is to determine the meaning of this. The only person that keeps me going is Reign and she's the only person I really got. She's been there for me ever since we were young. I can't thank her enough for saving me from so many situations. I could have died if it wasn't for her.

Thank you

I continuously fiddle with a grey goose bottle I had found in the kitchen. I figured I can put it to use and drink it all. My insides rumbled and burned as it tried to digest the massive amount of vodka I had consumed. Leaning against the kitchen counter was a challenge. I couldn't stay still, tripping over my feet I landed on the floor with glass everywhere. I tried my best to get up, even if it took 5 minutes. Finally, after struggling I reached for the broom, daintily swiping the pieces up. "I'm home" Reign yelled coming through the door. I stared at her without trying to make a move. Act natural. "In here reeks" she said screwing up her face. She came close sniffing me like a dog. "You've been drinking" she said folding her arms. "Duh, I feel like a living piece of shit" i bluntly explained. The perks of being drunk will never be my brutal honesty. She was left there unsettled by my comment. "What?" she said bewildered. "I'm unhappy and lonely. I hate myself and everything that i've done. I don't deserve this life or you and we both know it" I said with silent tears trailing down my cheeks. "Don't say that! You've always been my only supporter and I don't plan on losing you. I love you Karhé, for your wonderful spirit. You are as unique as they come, can you please just believe that for once" she said starting to cry. Something within my chest began to rise causing me to cry harder, falling to the floor.My hands covered my face as water poured out of me. Her arms gently wrapped around me, supporting my unstable body.

I just want to love myself