Eli

Nineteen 1/2

 I fucked up. I know I did as I watched the time on the clock tick as I sat on my bed staring at the clock. The time to meet Chance came and went but I couldn't find it in myself to go and meet him. I wanted to, I really did. I made it as far as my car but I couldn't bring myself to drive off. I just felt like once Chance knew what I did, my dirty little secret there would be no way he would want to date someone like me. 

I was fucked up about the whole situation and I felt bad but even worse knowing that I didn't even have the decency to text him that I wasn't coming. I called up Tiffany and she told me that she was on her way.

I thought she would understand where I was coming from and why I was so nervous but no.

"Are you dumb," she flung one of my couch pillows at me, "I can't believe you Eli."

Her ass made me feel even worse.

"I know," I put my elbows on my knees and sighed wishing I could rewind time and redo the day but it was too late night. Chance was definitely long gone by now and I didn't have the power to rewind time.

"What should I do?"

"He's a man who just put his feelings on the line and you stood him up. You need to beg."

"Beg?"

"Yes beg. If you want him you need to stop playing games and apologize. Call him right now."

She grabbed my phone from the coffee table and tossed it at me. I looked at my phone and was half expecting Chance to have called or texted me but no, nothing.

I didn't have the balls to call him, I admit that so instead I decided to text him.

E: I got your note and I wanted to say thank you for my car. You didn't have to do that and I wanted to say sorry for not meeting up with you today. I was busy.

My excuse was weak as fuck and I knew he was smart and wouldn't buy it but I was just hoping he wasn't too mad at me. A whole minute went by, two then five and close to ten minutes when my phone chimed indicating he text me back.

C: Your welcome and it's fine. I completely understand.

I read over his message with Tiffany peering over my shoulder thinking of what to say next. I had no clue so I looked to her for advice.

"So what should I say?"

"What do you want to say?"

I wanted to say a lot to him but what I had to say I only wanted to tell him face to face.

"Tell him how I feel."

"For now I think it's best you feel him out and give him some time. He's mad."

"How do you know he's mad?"

I looked back at the text and didn't see anything wrong with it.

"Is he always so formal when he speaks to you? He's trying to play it cool, you hurt his feelings Eli. If he didn't give a fuck about your feelings he would have called and cussed your ass out. I bet you more than anything he took you not showing up as a sign that you don't want him.

"But I do want him," I spoke up shocking my own self, "I just...I've never felt like this before."

"He's a grown man. He's not going to send you a letter asking you to be his girlfriend expecting you to check yes or no. He's shown you and given you enough signs to let you know by now that he's serious about you."

"I know," I sighed focusing back on my phone.

E: I'll make it up to you somehow, I promise.

Tiffany nodded her head in approval at my text and I sent it. We waited close to a minute before he text back.

C: Don't worry about it

He was mad, he was being short with me. He usually sends me fucking paragraphs when he texts me, how he acted like he didn't want to be bothered with me.

E: I'm going to anyway

I texted him back and waited wondering what he was going to say to that. When his texts came through and it was a paragraph I couldn't wait to read it but as I did I got his funny feeling in my chest.

C: I've gotten to know you over the past six months and think your beautiful both inside and out. I just want you to be happy, fearless and accomplish everything it is you set out to do in life.

I reread what he wrote again and again with a frown on my face. We weren't even together so why did I feel like his ass just broke up with me? Tiffany was peering over my shoulder at my screen and sighed shaking her head.

"I guess I fucked up huh?"

She patted my shoulder silently letting me know that I did and I didn't know how I was going to come back from this.