Jones

Ch 75

Start~ Rachel Faith

Night Changes~One Direction

I stare at my ceiling and worry about the day thats ahead of me tomorrow. Philosophically thinking, we're all going back to a place that we have embedded in our memories as a happy place where growing up commenced but if you actually think about it, that place was created to teach us the fundamentals of adulthood and what's to come in high school. That place is middle school. It is either the best time of your life or worst time of your life. There is no in between but because I'm Paulina, Im in between.

My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of my phone buzzing. I flip it over and see a FaceTime call from Angie. I slide the answer icon and it connects.

"PAULINA" she yells

"Yes Angie." I say with my eyes closed.

"WHICH ONE SHOULD I WEAR TOMORROW?" she asks and holds up a pink cardigan and a white cardigan to the camera.

"Angie, which one do you like best?" I sigh.

"Paulina, you know I can't answer that. I love all of my cardigans. My pink one is a soft pop of color that goes with my white jeans and OR blue skirt but then again my white one matches everything and is super classy." she says in a rushed tone. 

"Either one will look fine." I say clenching my jaw because I'm in the middle of a mid life crisis while she's in the middle of a sweater crisis.

"Whats the matter Sweets?" she asks and chucks her cardigans on her bed.

"nothing," I say hoping she won't try and push it further.

"I obviously know somethings wrong but I won't say anything ok?" she says and she's literally intentionally trying to break me.

"Im just scared." I say and cover my eyes with my arm.

"Its our last year together" she says adding salt to the wound.

"I can't wait to see you tomorrow" I say in a cheery tone to try and lighten up the conversation

"Me too Ang. Me too." I say and start thinking about what tomorrow is going to be like.

"You can't dwell alright Paulina. We aren't getting any younger and sometimes the things you don't wanna face will be the first things awaiting you" she says and I can feel the back of my eyes setting themselves on fire.

I nod my head.

"Alright biscuits you need to get your life together for tomorrow, remember to go to sleep before ten." she says and waves at her phone.

I tried not showing Angie my hair for the soul purpose of doubts and hiding everything until tomorrow. My hair is nothing special but to everyone else it'll be a big deal so why not take advantage of the temporary attention.

I scroll through snapchat and look for the stories that I actually care to watch. Everyone is posting about going back to school and how excited they are to see "everybody". I have never been so sure what that term actually meant when used in that context. "Everybody". We aren't all friends and half of us are just passively aggressively trying to maintain aquaintenceships.

We're all just like kinetic sand. especially the group of friends I've adapted in the last two years almost three. We can build ourselves up and stick together but once all the fun is over we fall apart. Its an endless cycle of rebuilding, falling apart and rebuilding again.

This is eighth grade. I don't wanna be known as Paulina, the girl who wore busted up yellow converse to P.E and ditched class when there was a presentation. I wanna be known as Paulina, the girl who is going to make eighth grade her bitch.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

9:47pm

My entire body felt like jello throughout my shower. I'm nervous or excited. Im not sure. I think its just adrenaline.

I stare into my closet still wrapped in my towel and decide what I'm going to wear tomorrow. The first thing I reach for are my foggy blue jeans and my One Direction hoodie. I catch myself. I can't show up to school looking like a scrub. So I reach for my next best choice. My leather jacket and black jeans. I catch myself again. Lets try something different.  I go to the back of my closet to the clothes I used to wear before I started dating Isaac. My cardigans and white jeans with the braided belts and beaded pockets. I wanna be someone I'm not. I've gotten used to the way Isaac made me. I wanna be what Angie is going to make me. Good. All there. Nice.

I get in my bed after I braid my hair Pocahontas style and slam my head against my pillow. I breathe my last summer breath and stare at the dingy polaroids of me and my friends from June to now. We're so fucking dysfunctional. Its beautiful. Tomorrow when I wake up I'll be Paulina. With the two pimples lined up between my eyebrows and the bed hair. But instead I'll be a better version of myself. 8th grade Paulina with the two pimples lined up between my eyebrows and shorter bed hair.

It was nice knowing you 7th grade Paulina. You were a fun trial but I had to let you go now. I love you.

~Sincerely,
8th Grade Paulina.
🅿️