Jones

Ch 98

Candy Rain~ Soul 4 Real

Dreams~ Timecop1983

ISAACS POV//

It's been awhile. As you may know, I'm moving away after the summer. It's going to be hard for me but what do I have to live for? I have no girlfriend, no real friends. Nothing really, except for Ivy. I don't really love her but I mean she fills that empty void that fucking Paulina left. She does what I want when I want but in reality, she does what she wants to me when she wants. There really is no logical explanation for what Paulina did to me last year. Its been almost a year since she decided it was time to flip the tables. I would never show her any hate. I don't hate gay people. I just hate her. She still finds ways to fuck with me and make me want her when she has no intention of being with me. She has no idea what she's doing unless she does and she keeps doing it on purpose to fuck with me even more. She still talks to me and we engage but it's not the same. We kind of have to interact with each other because we have the same friends. There's no tension between us unless the sexual tension counts.  

Right now, she's sitting in front of me at graduation rehearsal. She looks distant and almost lethargic like she has no idea whats going on. Maybe like the rest of us, she's going through middle school withdrawal before we even walk through the gates forever. It's painful to think that in two days we'll be high schoolers. Well, technically not high schoolers but pre ninth graders. Its hard to believe that I started middle school with a girlfriend and leaving with a fuckbuddy. Its hard to believe that over the years I gathered such a great collection of friends who have gradually separated within a year. It's sad to see us grow up and slowly forget about each other. 

For the past few days, we've been practicing lining up in semi-crooked lines and sitting in seats in alphabetical order in 80-degree heat. It's depressing, it's exciting but it's all so new. In two days, in three seconds our lives are going to change. The second we get that handshake from our shitty principal we'll be all grown up. 

The first time we all decided we were gonna be friends was the summer after 6th grade. Everything was great. The wind was warm and we all had functional hearts that didn't go through the grinder. We had all just finished a deep ass conversation on Angie's back porch. It was innocent and it was an instant connection between the 9 of us. We had then gone outside in the middle of the street and stood in a straight line side by side. It was the first time we put our middle fingers up and yelled at the dark blue smoggy summer sky. That was two years ago. Two. Now here we are. Barely speaking and trying to hold onto a 7 or so person friendship that probably won't make it through high school. This is why everyone is so devastated. Except for Crystal. She didn't really like any of us. But that's ok because we're still fucking family.  

The first time I knew I loved Paulina was she told me to shut the fuck up. Sounds weird. I know. But its the truth. She said it with so much meaning and like she wanted me to keep talking so she could say it again. And it's just that look that she gave me. It was so powerful and stunning. I knew I wanted to see that look more often. She used to look at me like the world stopped spinning. I still, to this day, can't stop thinking about how beautiful she is. I can't take my eyes off her.  

My thoughts about the infamous Paulina are interrupted by the last bell ringing. 

"Two more days motherfuckers. two more days," Crystal yells from a few seats over after the bell rings. 

"I think you're the only one excited about graduation," I say to her while picking up my backpack. 

"I think the fuck I am. Aren't you happy to be leaving hell?" She asks.

"We're leaving hell just go back I guess," I say and she shrugs.

"Wanna come with me to sell some Spice dime bags to sixth graders?" Tommy asks when he walks up to me.