small words || jeongcheol

25: broken.

i'm trapped inside your heart,
i don't mind the broken parts

clockwork, palaye royale

***

Seungkwan wouldn't come out of the bathroom.

"Seungkwan," Jeonghan said, almost ready to tear his hair out. "Seungkwan, Hansol's going to be here really soon."

"I feel sick," Seungkwan lied as he paced the small room, beads of sweat standing out against his forehead. Hansol couldn't see him like this, it wasn't fair. None of this was fucking fair.

"Seungkwan, get out of the fucking bathroom," Jeonghan snapped, leaning his head against the doorframe. "Please, Kwan."

"No."

Jeonghan pushed back from the wall, hands tangling in his hair and messing up his bun. He tugged out the hair-tie, running his hands through it to straighten it out.

"Seungkwan, get out now or I'm calling Josh."

"Call Josh, I don't care."

"Seungcheol will literally unscrew that door from its hinges, Seungkwan," Jeonghan warned, knowing how capable Seungcheol was at DIY after the shower incident when he had literally knocked the bathroom door down.

"Fuck off, Jeonghan."

Jeonghan clenched his fist and even raised it, squeezing his eyes shut and forcing himself to cool down. Since when had he become everyone's mom!? He had been the one to nudge Wonwoo closer to Mingyu, the one to actually make an effort in being nice to Yuju, but he was done with tiptoeing around Seungkwan. The kid was getting to see his best friend today. Jeonghan didn't even have a best friend. Now that he thought about it, if he discounted the other patients, he didn't actually have any friends...

"I'm getting Josh."

Seungkwan huffed out a breath, staring at himself in the mirror again. Dark circles, pale skin, lank hair. He splashed water on his face, letting the tap run to drive away the silence in the room. He fumbled with his makeup bag on the counter, spilling half of the contents on the floor before he found his concealer and slapped it on. He scrambled to locate his brushes and put some color back into his cheeks, brushing his teeth twice before applying some pink to his pale lips.

He tugged at his gray sweater. This was no good. He didn't want Hansol to worry about him at all, but he especially didn't want his best friend arriving at the house and waiting outside the bathroom door.

Seungkwan flung open the door, motoring down the corridor and knocking Jeonghan off his feet in the process.

"Shit," Jeonghan muttered, clutching his elbow. Pain shot up his arm and through his kneecap, which had been the first to hit the floor.

"Jeonghan?" Seungcheol asked, appearing at the top of the stairs and rushing across the landing towards him. "I heard a thump, are you okay?"

"I just fell," Jeonghan said with a wince as Seungcheol took his wrist and examined his arm.

"How did you fall?"

Jeonghan stared at him, tracing the nurse's long lashes with his eyes, his full lips.

"What?" he questioned.

"How did you fall?" Seungcheol repeated. "Did you trip over?"

"Seungkwan ran past and knocked me," Jeonghan admitted. "He didn't mean it. I probably pissed him off from yelling at him to get out of the bathroom for so long."

"He's nervous," Seungcheol said sympathetically, looking like he wanted to add, 'poor lamb'. He smiled at Jeonghan. "I might have to bind your knee for you," he added.

Jeonghan groaned. "So inconvenient," he muttered.

"You'll still be able to walk on it," Seungcheol said with a smile. "Come on."

He picked Jeonghan up with ease, before the other could even say anything, and carried him to the examination room. He set him down on the table and fetched a roll of bandages.

"Can I pull this up?" he asked, gesturing to the leg of Jeonghan's sweats.

"Sure," he answered, fiddling with the hair tie on his wrist.

"Try and be more careful, Han," the nurse murmured as he ghosted his fingers over the bruises blooming over Jeonghan's skin. "You've pulled the muscle."

"It wasn't my fault this time," he grumbled, wincing as Seungcheol bound his knee tightly.

The older man smiled at him. "I know. I'll tell Seungkwan to stop running in the corridors."

"He's scared to see Hansol," Jeonghan said quietly.

Seungcheol looked at him. "Wondering why?"

Jeonghan frowned.

"The kid has been lying to Hansol, his best friend, even though Hansol knows what Seungkwan has been going through," Seungcheol said, his hands on the table either side of Jeonghan as he leaned on them. "He wants him to see the best of him, not the worst. You can understand that, Han?"

"I guess," Jeonghan mumbled.

"I know this is a sensitive topic, Jeonghan," Seungcheol said, which got Jeonghan's attention, "But why don't you want to see your mom? You've had visitor privileges for weeks now."

Jeonghan swallowed, wanting to look away from Seungcheol's intense gaze, but couldn't. He just shook his head.

"Han-"

"Don't... please," Jeonghan whispered, squeezing his eyes shut.

"I'm sorry," Seungcheol said softly, gently touching Jeonghan's shoulder.

The long-haired boy leaned into his embrace, the nurse wrapping his arms around him carefully.

"I'm sorry for bringing it up again," he said.

"It's not your fault."

"I feel like it is. I don't want to make you upset," Seungcheol admitted. "I just want you to be happy."

Jeonghan sniffed. "I'm broken, Seungcheol."

"I know," Seungcheol sighed, fighting off tears.

"You can't fix me," Jeonghan sniffled. "You can't fix me..."

"I can try," Seungcheol said shakily. "I'm going to try. I promise I will try and fix you, Han."

Jeonghan quietly cried into his chest as Seungcheol silently swore to keep his promise to the only light left in his life.

_____________________

so i know i said there wouldn't be an update this week but i just felt in the mood

the plot kind of flowed out i have no idea what i just wrote lol but it got real serious real quick yeek

verkwan special chapter, anyone? i can write it some time after the soonhoon one :)

thanks for being patient with the update ^.^ i will make an aesthetic for it later~

also this book hit 4k reads? when did that happen!? thank u so much for reading 💚💚💚

taellipses out x

p.s. listen to palaye royale :)))