Chapter 3

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I woke up in a beautiful field of flowers. The same ones from those calendars you get at your local supermarket. They were all sorts of colors and the ground beneath me felt soft. The sky seemed to move quickly as clouds in different shapes flew past, specking the blue sky. I slowly sat up, not even feeling myself make an effort. The air was warm and the sun rays kissed the top of my head gently. It was a perfect scenario and it felt like I had died and made it to heaven. I felt myself begin to pick up pace the more I walked and soon found myself running. I could feel the petal of every flower caress my skin and it was the most comfortable I had ever felt. The longer I ran, the more free I felt but it didn't take long for the happiness to end. All of a sudden, what was once a field of flowers in the distance soon became a dark hole. Almost like an entrance.

The tunnel.

I felt myself screaming at my legs to stop but I just seemed to run faster towards the darkness. The flowers that once tickled my toes began to crunch beneath me as their vibrant colors became the gloomy colors of that of a storm. I couldn't look back, even if I had wanted to, and all I seemed to focus on was the overwhelming darkness that grew closer. Once at the edge of the absence of color, I felt myself abruptly stop, it was like I was frozen in time. I could no longer feel the crunch of petals beneath me but instead just ground. Dirt and left over debris. My eyes fell onto my legs who had finally listened to my pleading. I felt my mouth open in horror as blood trickled profusely down my bare legs. The same way they had done that unforgivable day in the tunnels, right before Penny's rest. I looked up to see red hair flowing in the darkness. It looked oddly familiar and it made me feel sick to my stomach. I knew I could recognize who it was but my brain seemed to want to hide it. To hide the identity of this random person. Almost like they played an important part in my life and their reappearance would be too much for me and yet right before my brain finally caved in and let me identify the stranger, I woke up.

I sat up in bed in a cold sweat and completely out of breath. My hand slammed against my chest as my heart beat against my ribcage like I had just been in a marathon. I looked around my room in fear before lifting up my covers to check my legs.

"No blood" I sighed as I felt my back hit against my headboard in exhaustion. I turned to look at the alarm clock next to me that read 2:32 am.

Images of my dreams flashed behind my eyes and I could feel myself growing anxious. I didn't want to be reminded about the child I had lost before Penny's rest. I didn't want to think about the possibility that maybe that's why Penny didn't want anything to do with me. All because I was incompetent enough to carry his child. His creation. In his mind I probably wasn't worthy and powerful enough to do so. Maybe he came back to this earth with the intention of finding another human that was capable enough to do what I couldn't...

That child. My child. If it was to even be a human child, was now gone. The one creation as perfect as Penny was to me was no longer at my reach. I would never raise it or see Penny become a "father." I would never have a family and for once find an ounce of normality within the relationship Penny and I had.

Had.

The air in my room felt thick as I struggled to catch my breath. I sat up gently, deciding a glass of water would be in good use right now. I walked down the dark hallway as the cold floor ached at my feet. After filling my glass and gulping it down like I had been abandoned in the Sahara Desert, I could feel my eyes begin to grow tired and wanted nothing but my bed.

I trudged down the same dark hallway before slowly opening my bedroom door. Before I could get past the door frame, I was stopped by the image of Penny sitting at the edge of my bed. His orange eyes were prominent through the dark and I could feel my stomach flutter.

"Penny" I said taking small steps into my bedroom. His eyes searched mine for a second before he spoke up.

"Lola dear" he said with a deep voice. I held onto the door to prevent myself from running into his uninviting arms.

"There is something you must become aware of" he continued. It felt weird hearing him talk in complete sentences. I had grown accustomed to his one word answers he had resorted to due to how weak he was before his rest.

"Anything" I said my heart filled to the brim with hope that he would explain his distant behavior and tell me everything would go back to the way it was. But that would be too good to be true wouldn't it? The story would end here. Where's the fun in that?

"This thing we shared" he said as I took quick notice of the past tense word.

"It can't be any longer" he said before sighing deeply, almost like he was glad to have it gotten it off his chest.

I felt my stomach sink at his words. It was like he was breaking up with me but even I know this was deeper than that.

"Those lights" he said referring to the lights in my chest. The same lights he had given me.

"It was a mistake" he said.

"A grand mistake within my actions" he said with defeated eyes.

"I have learned that now, I learned it all during my rest, on my trip back home" he said.

"I should have never allowed a human to stop me from my natural instinct" he continued.

"To hunt on the weak, the fearful, the innocent" he said and I knew he meant children and other innocent beings.

"I have to go back to my nature" he said.

"And that means letting you go" he trailed off. For a split second I was able to see a tinge of blue in his eyes. The same blue I had fallen in love with. The only blue that didn't make me feel blue. The blue that made gloomy skies and rainy nights seem like art. The blue that took my need of the sky and the ocean. It was a blue you couldn't buy anywhere. Not your local art shop or your favorite art museum. It was summer blue yet made me feel warm like stormy days in November and somehow I knew it would be a long time before I saw that blue ever again. I wouldn't see it in the skies of a July afternoon or the ocean in weekend getaways. No amount of paint or paintings could make me feel the hue of happiness those blue eyes made me feel. I knew I wouldn't see them again for a long time. And maybe that "long time" meant forever...

I couldn't bring myself to speak after the interaction. He hadn't even given me a chance. He had gotten up and disappeared into the darkness, leaving me lonely in a deeper way than I think he knew. I didn't need to feel physical pain to hurt as much as I did in the moment. This pain already felt physical. My heart ached and it felt like it would fall deep into the crevices of my chest, dying out slowly but I knew it was no longer there. I could feel everything even without my heart in my presence.

I hadn't noticed I had fell onto my knees, and maybe I needed to pray. This was the perfect time to beg for forgiveness. For all the wrong I had done, and all the good I had let go. I'll beg for a clearer mind and a fuller soul.

I'll beg for a stronger heart.

Because the one I had was taken from me the moment Penny disappeared into the darkness.

Leaving me lonely...

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