Storm Drains (Book II) Pennywise love Fan-Fic

Chapter 5

Love; not wrong - EDEN

I waited under the moonlight behind the trees. Waiting for another senseless victim. The night was dark with silence and the air bit at my exposed skin on my face. I held onto the trunk of the tree as my eyes scanned around the empty street filled with orange lights, illuminating the next lonely person that walked past. I could feel my fingernails dig into wooden splinters in anxiousness.

It was a clear night but something told me it would be a gloomy day for me tomorrow. I wasn't the proudest, lurking within the darkness of the February night. My coat clinging to my small body but I didn't feel cold either way.

My eyes suddenly fell upon a figure walking down the empty path. I inched closer, careful not to be seen. Their head hung low and I couldn't make out any recognizable features through the midnight color of the sky. I closed my eyes seconds before they reached me, beginning the process.

I felt my body rush into whiteness as different forms of emotions began to fulfill the hunger my lights slept in. My eyes squeezed shut tightly searching for that one emotion.

Sadness.

I inched closer instinctively when I couldn't find it and was about to give up and move onto my next victim when I felt the familiar euphoric sensation intertwine with my chest. I felt the light burn at my skin and ribs. I heard the familiar gasp of fear and confusion emerge from within my victims lips. I opened my eyes in fulfillment and saw them look around the dark night trying to find the source of this random and strong emotion they felt.

I slipped back into the darkness slowly my lights gleaming with pride. The thick silence of the woods swallowed me whole, leaving my victim alone and confused in the middle of the night.

I left them alone wondering why a bad memory or thought resurfaced after years of hiding it deep in the dark crevices of their brain. Why a lonely walk home brought them to think about this dark secret they kept hidden in the dark of the night. Little did they know that my need to feed on sadness was the reason for their heavy memories flashing behind their eyes every time they blinked.

I was the reason. Not of their sadness, but of their dark seeping into the light, even in the darkest of nights...

I woke up abruptly, my heart racing against my ribs. I laid there looking up at my dark ceiling that looked grey in the night compared to its white hue in the day. The wind outside blew and I could feel the lights burn within me, starving.

"No" I whispered as I covered my chest with my two palms, burning them instantly. I sat up, breathing loudly trying not to cave into the hunger. I hated the way I had to feed when Penny wasn't here to feed me from his lights. It's something I had to do while he was gone, something I wasn't proud of. It was something I tried keeping hidden but being the person who unveiled the darkest within people, it was hard to hide from myself.

He had never told me this is how I would survive, he didn't tell me the heavy consequences his lights would have on me. Now I was completely alone to figure it out, afraid of becoming his next victim or competitor.

I lifted my sheer comforter closer to my body, looking into the dark abyss that was my room. I looked over to my alarm clock that read 12:34 am. I hadn't slept at all. I hadn't been able to these past days after my encounter with Penny.

Suddenly the sound of Bells danced around my room. I froze in place, knowing exactly who that sound belonged to. I had told people I wanted to be alone but deep down I knew I wanted to be alone with him.

"What are you doing here" I croaked out into the darkness still not being able to locate him. The room fell silent once again for a couple seconds and for a moment I thought maybe he wasn't really here and I was just hearing things out of desperation but a sudden scent that engulfed my room proved me otherwise.

"You've been feeding" he said, his lisp prominent in his voice. For a split second I could have believed he was in a playful mood but his persistence in staying in the dark told me another story.

"I have" I said tightening my grip on my comforter, my eyes still searching around the room for his tall silhouette.

"You've learned" he said as his sweet scent grew stronger. The smell was familiar but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"I had to" I said trying not to let my voice sound weak. Suddenly, a burst of nostalgia hit my head with a rush. I could finally describe the sweet smell that emerged from within him.

Hot cocoa

The same scent he had adopted to make me happy 27 years ago. The same scent that told me he was nearby whenever I missed him. The same smell that I could never seem to grow sick of.

It was then I realized I hadn't touched a box of hot cocoa for 27 years long. I hadn't been able to smell it, drink it, or even buy it after Penny had left me. It was a constant reminder, almost like looking at the photograph of a person you lost. It was to heart wrenching even as the most of simplest of things.

I felt my eyes sting with tears as memories flashed behind my eyes. I really hoped the dark masked the sadness on my face. I didn't want to seem weak but I knew Penny could sense it. The room was filled with it and even I found myself drowning in it. I sighed shakily as the wind outside continued to blow harshly.

His white gloved hand suddenly appeared from the darkness, dropping something small and soft onto my bed. I looked up trying to see him but was too late. He had completely disappeared and I felt it. I felt it in my soul and in my heart.

I stayed still for a couple seconds, a bit confused on the situation but overall filled with sadness. My hand then reached over for the soft object at the edge of my bed. Once I brought it closer for inspection, I could no longer hold back the tears. I held it tightly, like a mother would her child. This small object that held so many memories.

A stuffed animal

from the circus he had taken me to

There was dirt all over it and I knew it was old and that hurt the most. That he had kept it with him, like a trophy.

I let myself break down into a complete sob and I couldn't stop the waterfall of tears the flooded my eyes. My crying almost sounded as loud as the wind outside, almost like we were competing. And if the prize was sadness, I had surely won.

I don't know how long I cried, but it seemed like could cry forever. I slipped under my covers, trying to hide myself from the sadness I felt, but I always carried it with me.

And just like Penny carried this small object of memory with him, he had given it to me, to carry these memories and emotions with me because he couldn't anymore. He had to completely let go and this was just part of the process.  And maybe I needed to let go too.

I stood up, making my way to my closet. I opened it the door and immediately began looking for my memory box that was hidden deep in a corner. Once I found it, I opened it quickly not wanting to fall into more bittersweet memories. I placed the small stuff animal inside before closing it. I grabbed my coat and boots as I made my way out into the dark.

I got into my cold car, starting the ignition as fast as I could. I don't know how long I had been driving but I just needed to get far enough. The dark road felt inviting and it tempted me to just run away and never come back.

Once I made it to what looked like like the middle of nowhere, I abruptly stopped the car. I kicked open the passenger door and softly dropped the memory box on the side of the road. I closed the car door, locking it to stop my temptation of retrieving the box. I turned the car around and began driving back home.

I told myself not to look back, not to stop the car and run back for the box. I had to let go, the same way he was. The sadness I felt deep inside was capable of feeding me for a lifetime but it would never be enough.

Nothing and no one would be enough

Not the same way he had been...