Gemini

Thirteen

"How the fuck do you know what I'm feeling ? Are you in my head ? Do you know what it's like to be terrified to go to sleep at night because he'll come home drunk and think you're your own mother ? To be called a slut when you never even dated a boy ? To have your own mother rip him off of you before he attacks you and then be ripped from the only place you've ever known , fit in and was home to come to some godforsaken city hundreds of miles away where people don't even know what the fuck your talking about when you ask for a simple fucking soda?" I knew I exploded on Jordan and the words that flew out of my mouth were ones I'd never voiced to anyone.

"I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I'm not here to judge you, only to be your friend and be a shoulder to cry on if you need it." Jordan said softly as he wrapped her   in a gentle hug. He was prepared for her to lash out against him but was hoping she wouldn't.

I felt myself stiffen as soon as Jordan's arms encircled me.I wanted to pull away but I wanted his comfort. It was something no one had ever given me before.I didn't know how to respond to him. Jordan's arms felt so damn good made me feel so safe. I didn't know whether to run or stay there as long as he let me.

Jordan released her, hoping he didn't cross a boundary. "We can stay a little longer if you'd like or we can leave. It's up to you."

I felt an emptiness as soon as Jordan let go. I hated the thought of going home to an empty house my mother worked two jobs so I never got to really see her. Then it hit me he let go because I opened my big mouth. Pretty sure I'd just pushed away one of the only friends I'd managed to make after moving here I just looked out over the water again debating what to say to him to clear the emptiness and awkwardness I manged to turn this visit into.

"You can come to my house for dinner tonight, if you like. My ma is a great cook" Jordan suggested trying to ease her mind

"Why are you doing this ?" I demanded feeling irritated. "Why are you being so nice ? Tell me what's in it for you Jordan ?"

"I'm being nice because that's who I am. I thought you needed a friend and I wanted to help you. Not everyone is out to hurt you like you're used to. Everyone needs a friend, someone to lean on when they're upset. I want to be that for you" he explained

At that moment I felt like a complete douche. I couldn't get anything right.Here it was again I had to apologize again for being such a bitch. "I'm sorry Jordan,That was mean and uncalled for.I don't want to intrude. I'm sure your mother wouldn't like you bringing home another mouth to feed.Some people don't like strays "

"My ma loves having people over. She won't mind at all trust me"

I felt so awkward unsure of what to say or do. I nodded silently watching Jordan for any indication he was going to change his mind. I was unsure of what I would say or do if he wasn't serious. The thought of not being alone in our tiny apartment for once was just too appealing to say no.

Jordan leaned back on his elbows and took a deep breath. "Things will get better. Just give it a little time. This place isn't so bad."

I couldn't look at him I don't know why but I couldn't. "It did as soon as I met you " I whispered hoping Jordan hadn't heard me

He smiled at her, acknowledging what she had said. "I'm glad to help" he whispered back to her

Feeling awkward I pushed up off the ground, dusted the sand off and walked to the edge of the water. I truly couldn't figure Jordan out. What did he want? Guys always wanted something. My father always did. He took and took until he broke my mother. I could already tell at that moment I would do whatever Jordan asked me to.

Jordan sat on the blanket watching Deanna walk along the edge of the water. He knew she needed some space and he wanted to respect that.

She's different. She's been through so much, it's no wonder she don't trust anyone. I really like her. I mean I really like her and I hope she'll want to spend more time with me. I want to help her heal and move forward  be part of her future.

Jordan thought to himself as he watched her.

I felt Jordan watching me. Maybe I was judging him before knowing him. He was giving me that opportunity to do just that and I again was sabotaging it. Jordan was smart, kind, funny and probably the cutest boy I'd ever seen. But the cute ones were always trouble, they used their looks for their own gain. I guess I wouldn't find out if I didn't give him a chance.But I'd never started a conversation before I wasn't sure how to tell him I appreciated his friendship and I wanted to spend more time with him.