Help Me Push Aside All the Things I've Left Behind (Tayley)

8: Say It Again and Mean It

Chapter 8:

Taylor’s POV:

“I said no Josh!” Hayley yelled at me. I instantly felt my grip loosen on her hands. She looked up at me and started at my eyes. I felt my eyes start to water and my heart slightly stop.

“Taylor, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” Hayley attempted to reach my hand but I didn’t let her. Instead I pulled my hand back stepping away from her.

“It’s fine Hayley.” I looked away from her.

“Taylor please,” she took a step closer trying to caress my face.

I took another step back putting my hand in between us shaking my head.

“Just don’t.” I looked up to her one last time seeing her eyes fill with apology, regret, and sadness. I wanted so desperately to hug her, but my feet wouldn’t allow me anywhere near her. Instead they turned and made their way up the stairs where I found the door to our bedroom already open. I jumped into bed not bothering to change out of my jeans and tank top of the day.

I just couldn’t believe that she called me Josh. Of all the names she could have called me, she had to say his name. I wasn’t the slightest mad at her, I was just strongly hurt. It hurt me to think that I was never going to be good enough for her. When I thought we were so strong, she had to hit me with a low blow. It might have been something I did or did not do.

I took a deep breath wiping the tears that rolled down my face. An empty hole in my stomach began to grow as I felt my pulse slowly start to fade.

Then I heard a knock on the door. I quickly covered my face with the cover not wanting to see her right now. Instead I shut my eyes hard trying to convince her that I was asleep. I heard the door slightly shut followed by added pressure to the side of the bed.

She then lightly leaned over me and sighed. I knew she was crying because a tear drop of hers fell on my face where it met one of my very own. I dug my face into the pillow biting my lip to stop the sobs that where begging to escape my body.

“Taylor.” I heard her say softly as her forehead was placed on my back. “I’m so sorry. I love you so much.” She sniffed. “I don’t know what came over me. I just don’t know how to open up to people...”

“It’s okay Hayley.” I whispered back cutting her off. Right now I didn’t want to hear any explanation at all. All I wanted to do was escape my emotions. “I’m just really tired. It’s been a long day. But I’m okay.” I said in a louder volume trying to cover my chocking words.

She sighed laying onto her side of the bed. Facing away from my body. “It’s okay, I’m okay.” I whispered to myself.

For the next hours we both laid in the same bed facing away from each other crying into our very own pillows. Then it all fell quite. The only sound was the sound of her slow breathing. I sighed laying onto my back staring onto the ceiling fan.

 The big room suddenly became ten times smaller making me feel trapped. The air around me thickening. My vision blurred by the tears that haven’t left my eyes since my head hit this pillow. And that silence, that damn silence that was screaming in my ear, leaving me completely deaf.

The amount of sadness in my body left me feeling weak and defeated. Even on our worst of times I always managed to pick myself up and be strong. But right now, I felt like all my strength was taken from me by that single word spoken from her mouth.

That night, the longest night of my life, I didn’t get an ounce of sleep. Instead I stayed up the whole night staring at her face. The same face that has the power to make or break me. And boy did she abuse her power.