Help Me Push Aside All the Things I've Left Behind (Tayley)

13: Explain to Me This Conspiracy Against Me

Chapter 13:

Hayley’s POV:

“Hayley I kissed another woman.”

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. I just froze. One foot on the next step, the other trying to balance myself from not tumbling down the stairs.

“Y-you did what?” I gripped the stair railing as I kept my sight forward.

“I kissed another woman.” He repeated to me from the bottom of the stairs. He was staring up at me. I could feel his sight burn through my whole body.

I inhaled deeply. Slowly turning to see him indeed staring up at me with sorrow in his eyes.

“You kissed another woman.” I repeated the words slowly. Trying to get them through my thick skull. He stared down at his feet slowly twisting it.

I gazed up to the ceiling of the stairs just letting the words sink in. But my brain was still refusing to wrap itself around the idea.

“Hayley.” He called to me but I refused to look at him. “I tried to tell you yesterday but you refused to talk about anything.”

“And what difference would that have done?” I turned to look at him as he shrugged his shoulders. “Exactly.” I took another deep breath.

I slowly walked down each step letting my whole body drown itself in both anger and hurt.

“How did it happen?” I asked him as I slowly sat down on the couch having him sit next to me.

 He sighed. “The details don’t really matter…”

“How did it happen?” I cut him off refusing to look his way.

“It was two nights ago. I was at a bar with Justin and Zac showed up. We got to talking and drank, a lot. We weren’t in any way capable of driving so she offered us a ride home. Then it just sort of happen.” He placed his hand over mine resting them on my lap.

I pulled my hand away having him to keep his hand to himself. For I didn’t want him to touch me in any manner.

“How?” I asked again showing no tone in my voice.

“It doesn’t…”

“How Taylor?!” I got up clearly frustrated. “Just tell me how did this happen?”

He stared up at me and then returned his sight back to the floor.

“I invited her in. And she kissed me.”

“Did you kiss her back?” I sat on the coffee table that sat right in front of him. He slowly nodded his head and I could feel every inch of my body wanting to break down. “Did you enjoy it?”

He shot his sight to me as I crossed my arms over my chest.

“I don’t see…”

“Did… you… enjoy…it?” I paused in between every word. “It’s a simple yes or no question. Is that so hard?” I could feel myself shut down. He remained silent. “The damage is done Taylor. All I want is answers.”

“I did.” he whispered.

“How so?” I rested my elbows on my knees getting him to look me in the eyes.

His eyes widen. He slightly shook his head at me refusing to answer me. Tears were slowly running down his cheeks. My eyes blurry with tears. “Oh come on Taylor, you said you wanted to talk.”

 He shook his head once again. “You were the one that asked me to talk, and now you have no words?”

“Fine!” He got up from the couch and began pacing around the living room. “Yes. I did enjoy myself.”

“Ah, finally the truth.” I sat up right folding my hands in my arms as I put on a straight face, or bitch face.

“You want the truth!” He half shouted at me. “Fine here’s the damn truth.” He sat in front of me again placing his hands on my knees. I shook my legs from under them as he sighed in frustration.

“I was with another girl, yes. But it was impossible for me to rip you out of my thoughts. She was beautiful Hayles. She would have made the perfect lover.” He ran a hand through his hair. “That I didn’t even doubt tangling myself with her. Not for a second.” My heart began pounding at this point. And my eyes began stinging. And this time I couldn’t swallow them down. “It was obsessive seeing her body over mine. Breathing the same air that didn’t seem to fill that endless void within me.” He stared up at me. “Honestly Hayley, I tried to forget you, erase your kisses from my skin.” I slowly let my hands wrap themselves around me in a comforting manner. A comfort that no one could provide me with. “I was with her, and that night all that was left was the emptiness.” He sighed. “How absurd of me to think that I could forget you using another body.”

He reached his hand up to me wiping some tears from my face resting it on my knee.

“You slept with her?” I could feel my voice shaky at this point.

“No, I couldn’t do that to you.” He said with his voice as shaky as mine.

“Thank you for being so considerate.” I swatted his hand from my knee.

“Hayley, I didn’t mean to hurt you in any way possible….” He kept talking but I frankly wasn’t listening to another word he was saying. It was eating me alive.

“What’s this beautiful girl’s name?” I cut him off feeling more tears run down my neck.

“Why do you even want that information?”

“I just do. Okay?” He stared at me. His eyes burning into the back of my skull.

He shook his head again remaining silent.

“Damn it Taylor, just answer the question; what is her name?” I half shouted. My voice cracking at every word.

“Baylie.” He said in a whispered tone.

“Baylie? Baylie Brown? The girl that Josh had a fling with?”  I sniffed.He looked up at me as I stood up and began to walk away.

“Yes that baylie brown.” He followed me into the kitchen. “Hayley I really think we should talk this out…” I shook my head.

“Hayley please?” He grasped my arm softly.

“NO!” I roughly pulled away, not allowing myself to break down into tears in front of him. “Just don’t touch me. Okay? Don’t talk to me. I don’t even want to see your face right. You hurt me kid. And if that was your intention, getting back at me for calling you Josh. Then Bravo!” I clapped my hands in his face. “You win.” I pushed away from him quickly running up the stairs where I locked myself in my closet. I began to pile some clothes into a small suitcase. I didn’t know where I was going, but I refused to be anywhere near him.

He didn’t come to find me. He knew I needed my space and thankfully he respected that.

For every item I packed another tear ran down my face. These tears seemed never ending. Much like this pain growing stronger with each passing second. To say that I was heartbroken is an understatement. I just kept telling myself to keep strong. Even though every ounce of my body wanted to crawl into a ball and cry. Cry as if I was to go completely dry. And if I kept crying like this. I feared that I might.

 I could feel my pounding sensation in my head as I finally zipped up the suitcase. I stared at it for what seemed like hours. Which in reality was only about a minute.

I debated whether leave or stay. But with one last breath I picked myself off the floor. Using the bottom of my shirt to wipe away the tears from my face. I took the suitcase in my hand to my still unknown destination.

“Where are you going?” Came his voice from the darkness of the living room.

“I don’t know.” I felt my heart pound like crazy at this point and I feared that it might jump out of my chest.

And I also feared that we will never make it out of this one.

**So how  was that? Feedback would be great... **