Help Me Push Aside All the Things I've Left Behind (Tayley)

22: Can't Force These Eyes to See the End

Chapter 22:

Hayley’s POV:

The car ride back to my house wasn’t long. But it sure felt like it.

It was possibly a ten minute drive. A drive that became a tortious hour. Although the clock on the car radio told me that indeed, it was only a ten minute drive.

Taylor kept silent. And I really wished he didn’t. I really wished he kept my brain busy. But I guess he figured that I need time.

Time to process.

 Time to accept.

Time to heal.  

But nothing in this world will ever help me heal this. All that was left for me was to learn to live with the possibility that I would never have kids.

I turned and glanced at Taylor. Just thinking about what our future holds for us.

I wondered if I’m not able to give him kids, would he still be there to support me. Or will he leave me and start a new home with a woman that is able to give him just that; a family.

Something that I wasn’t sure I could ever provide for him.

A shaky sigh escaped my mouth and I felt tears start to sting my eyes.

I inhaled deeply and stood up from the couch we had been sitting in silence.

“Where are you going babe?” Taylor called after me.

“I just need to get out of the house.” I said not bothering to look back.

Taylor ran after me and placed his hands on my shoulders. Making me stop in my tracks.

“Hayley.” He turned me to look at him straight in the face. “I love you okay? If you want to be alone. I’ll leave. I have to say bye to my family anyways. But please don’t leave this house. Not right now. Please?”

He looked into my eyes and pleaded me to stay put.

He knew me all too well. He knew that I was just going to run and hide and cry my eyes out.

I slowly nodded and looked down at my feet.

“Please be back soon.” I gave him a week smile.

“I will. Only an hour. Okay?” I bit my lip and nodded my head.

“One hour.” He nodded his head and planted a kiss on my forehead.

“One hour.” I whispered to myself as he ran off into his car. I stood at the end of the drive way and watched his car disappear down the street.

It felt good to be without him for this hour. I wanted nothing more than to have his arms around me. But I knew that this, all of me, was overwhelming.

I am such a hard pill to swallow.

I decided to call Kat and tell her about my current situation.

“Oh gosh Hayley. And he just left you?” She sounded both concerned and mad.

“No.” I let out a tearful giggle. “He only went to say goodbye to his family. T and I are taking off to Los Angeles tomorrow. We have to pick up Bill from my mom’s. Plus we have to get back into the swing of things. You know?” I semi-smiled.

“NO! That means that soon you will take my hairy face.” I could feel her frown through the other end.

“Wait. Are you not going to Los Angeles?” I sat on the couch.