。beautifully painful

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by underdoggos

by underdoggos

TITLE: Beautifully Painful
AUTHOR: PhoenixBluberries
UNDERRATED CHARACTER: Theodore Nott
CHAPTERS: 6 (ongoing)
SUMMARY: And if it isn't wild does it really matter? And if it doesn't hurt i it really real?

REVIEW:
Thus far, the story is still blurry, and the characters are merely getting introduced. Your protagonist is a very odd character who can definitely be written with even more depth. Why was she mute during her childhood? Why doesn't she fit in with the other children?

I have unfortunately not been able to see Theodore much yet; he too is reserved and clever, which is how he was portrayed in the original books (so that's a good thing!). It's just a shame the last chapter you wanted read was so similar to the Goblet of Fire, it removes originality and I feel like Theo wasn't well portrayed there. e.g. when he asks what are Veelas. He's a pureblood from the Sacred 28, and he should normally know what are Veelas. Only muggles and muggleborns ignore these kind of things.

Otherwise, concerning the prose, the style could be really pretty if you paid more attention to punctuation. The reader can easily get confused while reading, and more than once I had to reread a sentence that unfortunately lacked commas. So maybe work on that? It would make your story look a lot more attractive, trust me.

I hope this was useful! Good luck carrying on writing.

(written by kencbi)