transfiguration | character review

。concupiscence

TITLE: Concupiscence
AUTHOR: PinkCottonClouds
PROTAGONIST: Ron Weasley
CHAPTERS: 6 (ongoing)
SUMMARY: The mirror of Erised showed what they truly wanted, what they truly desired to have for all their lives. It was simple, Harry Potter wanted a family, so that was what he saw, Most people saw their family's approval, most people saw them a Victorious winner-

But all Ron Weasley saw was his arms around a short boy with no face.

If the Mirror showed you what you truly desired-Then Who was the Faceless boy waving back at him?

Day by day, he goes by the mirror, expecting answers, expecting for it to change yet it never does, until one day.

Until the day Ron Weasley gets to see wide bluish gold eyes staring at him, lips pulled into a nervous smile and arm still waving.

"You see it too don't you, Ron?"

REVIEW:
Your portrayal of Ron's character was well done for the most part. He's a Gryffindor and he doesn't judge one based on their backgrounds, mostly due to the fact that he himself comes from a slightly disadvantaged background. He is brave, friendly, and those aspects of his personality were well respected.

However-I don't know if it was the point of the AU or not-but you made Ron rather jealous of Harry Potter, pushing forward a certain grudge which he holds against him because Harry is considered as a celebrated hero, and he's perceived as "only the sidekick". I'll have to disagree with that aspect of his personality, simply because Ron loves Harry as a friend and even admires him, but he never wished to actually be Harry, even if he might have said it at some point in the books out of frustration (did he say it? I can't remember). But any way, Ron is his very own hero and doesn't perceive Harry as some melodramatic attention wh***, even if the films made him out to be like that.

I also believe that you should have maybe brought in Hermione a bit more as well and show that she too has an impact on Ron, she can simply be a friend, even if at this stage in the books he finds her rather irritating. She's still important to Ron, especially after the Philosopher's Stone's events.

Your story was, otherwise, quite original, and generally well written if one would ignore the few grammatical errors here and there. Your OC sounds interesting even if we've only caught glimpses of him so far. It is also refreshing to see some LGBT+ protagonists in stories.

(reviewed by kencbi)