transfiguration | character review

。blow your mind

TITLE: Blow Your Mind

UNDERRATED CHARACTER: Lily Evans

AUTHOR: moonlightremus

CHAPTERS: Nine (ongoing)

REVIEWED BY: caffeineshakes

REVIEW: The way Lily is described when we are first introduced to her is beautiful, I really believe that was accurate. However, the way she was speaking (and the way the other Marauders were speaking) it wasn't period specific. Even how they reacted to things, like introducing Remus and Sirius (wolfstar is my otp don't worry) as boyfriends would still be touchy subject because it is 1970's United Kingdom. For instance, in 1971 same-sex marriage was literally banned in England and Wales but this doesn't mean they wouldn't be accepting i just don't think they would be very casual about it.

I don't want to offend you or anything but I'm going to say you aren't British. So you might want to think about how the Hogwarts students say some things, like in chapter three Lily says "...friends haven't come to class yet." I feel like lesson instead of class would be more appropriate for Lily as an English speaker. However, when you put a Z where English people would normally put a S, that doesn't need to change.

I personally believe that Lily could be portrayed as a bit more stoic and unapologetically intelligent. Other then that i'm really enjoying your book, it's so good!