Vulnerability

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by annlhaureliej

by annlhaureliej

I was told "vulnerability is showing the weakest parts of yourself", the parts you hide from everyone so it's not taken advantage of or anything else. To let a person see that takes the biggest courage because there's always the chance of something go wrong.

There are two types of vulnerability: emotional vulnerability and physical vulnerability. Both being an intimate thing that causes you to expose yourself to another human being in one form or another.

I've gotten to the point of emotional vulnerability before where I speak what's on my mind without fearing any judgment and knowing that I've received the same from another individual. Not many can say they've gotten that far with either one of us.

Physical vulnerability is exposing your physical self every self conscious thing, every piece you've criticized and feel insecure about. You don't necessarily have to be bare naked to be physically vulnerable it could be a kiss or the way you hug or hold hands. The small things that people take for granted but don't realize many people don't get it. A vulnerability that starts off with the small things that you do with those you feel comfortable with. Every little touch that only certain ones get access too.

Yet physical vulnerability is different when it comes to me. It's not that it doesn't happen it's the fact that when I think about that one person and the people who've gotten that vulnerability with him I don't necessarily get upset I just go blank.

Blank because they'll get the feeling or touch that I never will and I won't force a thing to happen because things should be natural. Always.

I honestly don't care for those he's been physically vulnerable with more that I think about us in that manner and I picture it like a movie everything is just perfect. I know between us I'm the only one that's thinking it at least that's what I believe he's never made any indication.

I'm not really sure what way this was supposed to go because as much as I'd like to be openly vulnerable with no fears that are never going to happen. Like I was told vulnerability exposes your weakest pieces and to expose it all would be too much.

For many people, it's easier to be physically vulnerable because they think it's easy. I think the opposite I think being physically vulnerable is harder for me. The reason being there so many things I could look at and change about myself and have another person see those things it's like having another critic when you can barely handle yourself.

They say you are your own worst critic but what do you do when that critic starts to create words and stories for others and what your mind believes they want to say.

Being physically vulnerable is something I'd like to only share with one special person. Yet how can I when being that way is like standing out in the cold without anything to cover you, you just feel all the cold wind rushing around and feel your body get stuck and shut down.

I know I said when I picture us it's movie picture perfect but that was a lie. When I think about getting vulnerable in that way my heart races and I feel panic starts to rise because I can imagine him saying sweet things to me that it's all ok and he loves the way I am. However, I know the reality is it's only a scenario and the likelihood of that truly happening seems slim to none to me.

Whether it's an emotional or physical vulnerability. They're all scary some feel more comfortable with one than the other. Then there are those random rare ones who feel comfortable with both, I think those types are the one with no substance who don't try to go deep but rather keep things at surface level.

"Vulnerability is showing your weakest parts".