Doom Upon All The World

Chapter 15: Julien

She was beside him with every step. 

And as they take their seats, her's is still at his left.  He smiles at her but she's not looking at him.  Her eyes are stuck on the parchment before her.  She swallows a nervous lump in her throat and he quickly forces her expression away.  His magic flutters around the corners of the parchment on his desk, weaving its edges and folding its sides in and around.  It flew from the space before him onto her desk, landing before her eyes in the shape of a bird.  

Her lips turn up into a smile as she observes the lyrium glittering wings.  Still, her eyes don't go to him.  She keeps those lovely, dark Pentaghast eyes from him.  Julien has to contain himself, keeping his hands in front of him, his fingers away from her golden hair, his eyes from her perfect form, his lips from her sweet, sweet mouth.  He tugs his dark curls out of his eyes as he watches her. 

She won't dare to acknowledge what's between them here.  

As the others file into the room, the magic dissipates from the paper crane and Adelaide's smile fades again.  Julien turns straight in his seat, going rigid, trying to hide his feelings to the best of his abilities.  Today is day six of the literature course Keiran has been putting them through.  Their schooling is important to him.  If they ever decide that leaving Skyhold is the best option for them, then they should have some semblance of an education, in order to find work and status.  

But Anthony hadn't had that problem when he left.  Then again, Divine Victoria had played her part in that, as well as keeping their staying at Skyhold a secret.   Camille enters the room and casts a side long glance at Adelaide, quickly averting her eyes.  Her twin enters not long after, laughing lightly as Torrance strides in beside her.  Octavia is behind them, looking solemn and tired.  The lack of sleep shines brightly in her face and eyes.  It hurts Julien to see his younger siblings, his twin sisters at odds, and their friends affected by it as well.  What has passed between the three of them, though, Julien hasn't a clue.  

"Do you know what's happened between those three?"  Julien questions Adelaide in a whispering voice as the others take their seats, rearranging themselves due to the recent predicament.  

Adelaide observes them with saddened eyes.  "My brother."  She mutters, meeting his dark gaze.  "He is here to take me home, to Val Royeaux, after the mourning.  But for some reason, because of something that Tavvy told him, he's bringing Nicolynn as well."  She sighs, taking in the tense air of the rookery classroom.  "Whatever it was that she wrote to him, was supposed to stay between Olive and Nicolynn.  Needless to say, it did not.  And now, we are stuck here, in this frigid purgatory where no one dares speak to another."  Her eyes are hollow as she speaks but Julien is hardly hearing her.  

His ears, his mind, his heart gets stuck on her words.  "to take me home,"  She had said.  His breath rises in his chest, becoming heavier and harder to force in and out.  He realizes very quickly that his emotion is drawing to much attention from the raw mana in his veins.  It leeches its way to the surface, like earth worms wriggling through the dirt to find the freshest morning dew and nutrients.  Only his mana craves something more sinister, something destructive.  

"You're,"  He stumbles for the right words as Keiran enters the room.  "You're leaving."  He stutters, his voice shaky.  He finds it suddenly too difficult to swallow, and tries desperately not to choke on his shock.  

Adelaide can see the start in his eyes, like she's put the fear in him.  

She shakes her head though.  This only cedes in confusing him, rather than taking away his fear.  "No,"  She says in a breathy voice, reaching her hand over to caress his hand beneath his desk.  "Anthony may wish for me to leave with him, to know where our parents began their life together, where he was raised, what city life is like but that is not what I want."  She lets out a hoarse breath, her lungs heavy as she leans in his direction slightly.  

"Anthony and I may be siblings but we had very different childhoods.  I hardly know him, nor he, me.  He was not even here to see me grow into who I am today.  He was gone, off on some pleasure trip to satisfy his own self inflicted duty to me.  I don't need status or ladyship or a fancy home to enjoy my life."  She grips his hand now, squeezing it.  "I already have a home.  I won't let him take me away from it."  Her hazelnut eyes meet his and he has to resist every urge in his being to kiss her.  Her words warm his heart and caress his soul.  He can only stare in awe at her as she smiles that sweet smile at him and turns her attention to Keiran.  

Keiran meets her eyes and Julien sees the silent exchange that passes between them, the inaudible words that tell her he heard all of what was said.  Still, he smiles and addresses the others.  "So, you all should be up to speed on Ophelia by now."  He holds up the book he'd been having them read over the last few weeks.  Ophelia, a tragic love story about a maid turned princess when she catches the prince's eye, is quite possibly the sappiest book Julien has ever read.  Still, he finds it moving in ways he would not expect.  

"Chapter eight shows us that Ophelia, while grateful for Prince Kraven's generosity, cannot possibly return the love he bores her.  Why is that?"  Immediately, Adelaide is enraptured by the conversation.  Her love of reading, her love of books has always been an amusement to Julien.  He can still remember the blush, and slight glee, when she found her mother's collection last year, hidden under the floor boards in the commander's old chambers.  

Torrance raises his hand, not eager but cocky, sure of himself.  "She's in love with his brother, Prince Lionel."  Keiran begins to nod but Adelaide shakes her head and interrupts before he can say anything.  

"Wrong."  She utters with a furrowed brow as she turns to Torrance, her cousin mean mugging her fiercely.  "Ophelia loves Kraven.  But she also loves Lionel.  She wants them both but she can't have them.  Thus, she denies herself either one of them.  She deigns never to love, not that she won't ever love Kraven, but she'll never love anyone at all."  Her voice lowers as she finishes.  Keiran watches her with interest and contemplation.  He nods, pursing his lips as he paces in front of them.  

"Yes.  But, Adelaide, wouldn't you say that who, what, or when you fall in love is never under your control?  How can Ophelia expect to control those emotions?  How can she guarantee that she never falls in love?"  He clasps his hands in front of himself, wondering if he'll stump her.  Julien can see the gears turning in Adelaide's pretty little head.  Her blond curls ruffle around her as she shakes her head and closes her eyes briefly, defying every bit of Keiran's instruction.  

She breathes heavily, formulating her counterclaim.  "It's not about falling in love, Keiran.  It's not just falling in love, it's not just sexual love, or physical attraction.  It's love all together that she denies herself.  She will not love her family.  She will not love her friends.  She will never love any man.  And most importantly, she can never love herself.  To give love, you must first know love.  How can Ophelia know it if she does not know herself?  If she does not love herself?"  Adelaide becomes aware of Julien's burning gaze on her.  Those dark, magic eyes peel away her skin and muscle to bear her soul to him.  

Keiran smiles, nodding in approval as the others take in all that she's just said.  But then he steps closer to her desk, ready with one final question for her.  "So what is Ophelia to do about it?"  Adelaide swallows as she stares down at the desk and then up at Keiran.  "The only thing she can do."  Her voice is a whisper and it sends a chill down Julien's spine.  "Cut out her own beating heart and lay it at their feet."  She tells him and the class stiffens, uncertain of the hidden meaning that will no doubt be on the exam. 

Keiran chuckles at this, snorting at his impression of her with pride. "The rest of the class hasn't read that far, Adelaide."  He smirks happily as Julien observes her.  It's then that he notices the fire in her brown irises.  Literal fire.  Her magic bleeds into her vision and he gawks in awe.  

Ability is emotion. 

And her ability has leeched the emotion into her skin, bringing to the surface every desperate thought of how Ophelia was like her.  

Grateful of all her brother has done for her but not wanting any of it all the same just to stay where she is.  Torn between two lives, never knowing which to choose.  And her only option?  To bleed herself dry and deny herself either of those things to satisfy the jealousy that would arise in both were she to choose one over the other?

To cut out her own beating heart and lay it at their feet?

He who saves her from herself will hold it forever.