Jens pov
Heart broken once again. She called me a hoe. Leah thinks I cheated on her..but I didn't. I wish she knew the whole story but she won't even let me fucking talk to her. I just want her to know the whole story but it doesn't help when she's pushing me away or I start crying or when she doesn't even let me talk.
I'm already so hurt that she lost trust in me because she thinks I'm not loyal and I fuck with other guys. I would never and I told her everything about how I feel with having a guy in my life after what I went through. She knows it's such a sensitive topic to me yet she just forgets that I don't want to deal with any guys in my life because of my past.
Anyways.
I'm so hungry..I don't feel like cooking. Lynda isn't home. My friends are people I don't wanna deal with right now to go out and eat. I haven't even apologized to Emme for treating her like shit lately. Am I a horrible mother? I don't know. I'm just mad. But at the same time Emme is what makes me happy. Lynda is right. I shouldn't be blaming Emme when she's just a little girl. She tried her best not to say anything and she's being so good lately. I'm selfish for just focusing on Leah. Emme was the main reason why I met Leah. I know she's been acting different with me lately because of what happened. I feel bad.
I went upstairs to Emme's room and softly knocked on her door.
"Emme?" "Yeah?" She responds and I push her door a bit more open so I could see her. She was sitting on her carpet playing with her toys. All of a sudden I felt that urge to cry again but I held it in. I sat in front of her and watched her play for a few seconds. Then she looked up at me. "What?" She asks. I sigh and tuck a piece of hair behind my ear.
"Wanna go eat somewhere?"
"Sure" She says and continues to play. "Where do you want to eat?" She just shrugs her shoulders and doesn't say anything else. I give it a few minutes till I decide to talk again.
"I'm sorry for being so..mean lately..to you." I tell her but she doesn't respond. Everyone's just mad at me now. Well..just Leah and Emme. But they both mean the world to me and it just feels horrible knowing they both hate me. "Babe I know you're mad at me. I was just- Well..I can't even make an excuse to why I was the way I was.."
"Is-is Leah leaving you like Auntie Lynda said she would?" She asks looking up at me. I bite my lip and sigh. "I-i don't know..I can't answer that right now..but I'll do my best to fix it" "why did she get mad last week at the restaurant?" "Well...She didn't know I was pregnant. It's not good when you find out someone you love is pregnant with..well..from someone else.. I'm not gonna explain all that but she's really mad at me right now..." I said and she mad a sad face. "But don't worry about that. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for yelling at you that night and haven't been so nice lately..I should've not done that..but-when a woman is pregnant babe..they get really moody. Like they're really happy one day and then sad another day and then mad..it just changes depending on the person and I know I've been really mad and sad lately and you've been having to deal with me. I mean..the mood shouldn't be an excuse for yelling at you. That's all my fault and I'm sorry baby. I hope you know that. I love you so much and I hate that I made you cry." I said and she was completely silent just listening and I'm here hoping she understands all that. "We've been through so much so I shouldn't have dont that.. I'm just so tired now. I wish..I wish I had someone who could take care of you..and me too.. while I'm going through this so you wouldn't be dealing with me." "Like Leah?" "Y-Yeah..but..she's mad at me. Remember?" I said while nervously playing with my hair. I don't know why I'm nervous.
Emme sighs and shrugs her shoulders. "It's okay mommy" she tells me and I'm kind of confused. "Oh-I- Okay?" She sticks here arm out and rubs my belly. "Leah will be back" "she will?" "Yup she loves you. Like you said." She tells me and I try to put on a smile. "Yeah..she did." "I'm excited for the baby." She said. "I can't wait to see you" she says and smiles and kisses my tummy. That's it. I cant hold my tears anymore. I'm very confused but whatever. This is why Emme doesn't deserve any type of pain. She's so pure and innocent and I love her so damn much and it hurts me that I even acted the way I did when she's been through way too fuckin much with her dad. I know it happens with parents. Yelling at your child but this is different. I yelled at her like it was her fault that Leah just left me but it's all my fault that I didn't say a thing. Like Lynda said, it was probably best that Emme said something since I haven't thought of a way to tell Leah.
"I love you so much" I said and hugged her tight. I cried at the same time. "I love you too" she responds and I take a deep breath and kiss her head. Then I pulled back and she stands up.
"Let's go now I'm hungry!" She said and runs out of the room. I giggle and shake my head. I'm emotional now. I cant even explain how much I love Emme.
-
After dinner we came back home, showered, then I put Emme to sleep. Then I went in my room and went to lay down right away while watching tv. I went through my phone and there was literally nothing to do. So I decide to torture myself and go through Leah's social media. She still has the few pictures of me up on her page. She never deleted anything. The captions make me want to cry.
"My girl😍"
"Two meals right in front of me"
"The most beautiful woman in the world"
I'm surprised she's keeping these up. It's not like we broke up. I'm scared though that she'll randomly tell me that it's over. I sure hope she doesn't end it. I just really need her to listen to me and I'm certain she'd be okay with why I'm pregnant if she'd just listen, but her stubborn ass just keeps pushing me away.
She's what's keeping me up this late already. It's 12 am when I should be sleeping by 10. I need my sleep but she's all I could think about
I guess I'll text her again...
"if you would just let me explain to you the whole situation I promise you..you'll be happy to hear it."
I sent her that. She read it right away. My heart skipped a beat because that was unexpected. But took a long ass time to reply. At least she's replying. I thought she was gonna leave me on read again. How come all of a sudden she wants to reply to this text?
"Explain then."
"can we talk in person? Please?"
"When"
"After the girls get off tomorrow? Come to my house"
"K"
She said "k". Ugh. Well..at least she's replying.
-
Leah's pov
So..I kind of feel bad now.
Lynda texted me and told me something that I didn't expect. It was about how Jen got pregnant. That's why I responded to Jennifer's text. Because I wanted more on what this is all about. All Lynda told me was how she got pregnant and why but I want a full explanation. I'm surprised she's up this late because she's recently been sleeping early. I should be asleep too but there's only one reason why I'm up and it's because of her. I guess I'll talk to her tomorrow.
