Leah's pov
The whole day at Disneyland Jen seemed sad. I hope it's not my fault that I brought it up. Who am I kidding. It is. I needa fix it. I'm having fun but also I'm distracted by her. I know sofia is having a lot of fun though and that was my whole purpose of coming here.
It was around 8:30 and we all ate dinner at a restaurant , Plaza Inn. I sat with Sofia in one side of the table and of course Jen and Emme across us. She was so focused on feeding Emme and eating. We barely talked. Just the girls.
Then we made eye contact but I can't read her.
"Where do you guys want to go after?" She asks the girls. "Can we go on that Star Tours ride again?" Sofia asks Jen. "Yeah sure of course." She smiles to Sofia and then looks at me. "Then later we could watch the fireworks then go home?" "Yeah" I say. "Are you guys sleeping over?" "Yeah!!" Emme blurts out and I look at Emme "pleease Leah" Emme begs. I look at Jen and she waits for a response. "Yeah sure. But you two have to sleep right after you shower."
"Yay!!"
Hopefully jen doesn't sleep right away. I wanna talk to her tonight.
Later we sat on these benches. Sofia was on my lap and Emme was on jens lap as we waited. It was crowded. I hate the crowd. I might go off on someone after this if someone touches me.
"How many minutes till the show?" sofia asks Jen. "Just like 5 mins. It'll start soon" "Oh okay"
Jen leans her head on my shoulder suddenly and I feel my heart pound a little. I've never seen her so depressed and it makes me feel..well I feel..bad for her. I don't even have feelings for her. Well I guess I should say I didn't have feelings for her. I may have some now. It's more than just me finding her attractive. I actually care for her which I didn't mean to happen. I wish I knew what was wrong though.
-
"Finally. They're asleep" jen says coming downstairs tying her hair up. I was just standing by the counter in the kitchen on my phone. "Want a drink?" She asks me walking into the kitchen. "What do you have?" "Mm..water, soda, juice, wine, vodka" "I'll have water."
She gives me a glass of water then pours herself some wine. She's so not okay. She leaves and goes to the couches without saying anything and just turns on the tv so I follow her and sit by her.
"You know, whenever I'm sad..I do the same. Just drink it away. But when I know it's a problem that can't just leave my life just like that, I talk about it even though I don't want to and it helps."
"Leah..I-"
"Especially to someone who im comfortable with. It's better than just holding it in and not saying a thing."
"Leah..I know. But you really don't understand-"
"Well help me understand."
"Why should you even care?"
"Jennifer we're dating. Of course I should care. I want our relationship to have us be more open with each other. We're at that stage getting to know each other more and hopefully ending up together. I'm gonna have to know eventually."
She sighs and takes another sip.
"Stop" I tell her "why? There's nothing wrong with me drinking that."
"You're gonna get drunk."
"Isn't that what everyone wants? Me to get drunk so they could get in my pants?"
"Jennifer..no." I put my hand over my face and sigh and take her glass out of her hand and put it down. "Come on jen this is like..the only time I could talk to you in private. Nobodies around and the girls are asleep."
"What do you even want to know?"
"What i asked you earlier. Why would Emme dream about you getting hurt?"
"I told you! Because she saw the fucking hickey and I told her I-"
"I don't wanna hear that bullshit you and I both know that's not true"
She shuts up and reaches for the glass again but I stop her.
"Leah!" She complains. "Did Emme's dad hurt you?"
"No why would you even think that?"
"How come you didn't answer the first time?"
"He never hurt me okay? It was just a fucking dream she had."
"I don't believe you"
"Well believe whatever you want I'm done" she attempts to get up but I stop her by holding onto her arm. She groans and doesn't look at me.
"I hate pushing this out of you but I feel like it's important you let someone know"
She sighs and doesn't say anything for a minute. But then finally did.
"Okay leah.... yes....He hurt me. He used to abuse me especially in front of Emme"
She says and I sigh.
"Oh no..."
"It was unhealthy for her... First she'll see me all affectionate with him kissing and hugging and then she'd see him hurt me physically and mentally. Now she gets traumatized whenever someone even hugs me. She tries distracting me or does whatever a little girl can do to stop it."
"And that's why you're scared to bring another man into her life"
She nods her head and leans back onto the couch. "Wait wait..he moved out of the country. Why?"
"He has family there." She sighs "He lives there now and was only here for business. He had this opportunity for a job there and it was great timing because that's when we were close to breaking up...divorcing. You know.."
I get closer to her and put my hand on her thigh facing her. "I'm so sorry you had to deal with that."
"It's whatever. That's why Emme doesn't care about him. She's scared to see him again and that's why we barely talk to him. Whenever he tries to talk to Emme she doesn't even show happiness. She fakes it and says hi and says that she's good when he asks how she is and that's it. He never acted like a dad to her. She would always stay with me anywhere I go and when there were days that I had to leave her with him since I was busy, she'd call me all day using his phone and he'd get so annoyed. So I started having my sister watch her whenever I needed someone because I was afraid he'd hurt her. That's why I'm so attached and everything to Emme. She's my everything."
Wow....She really opened up. I'm surprised to hear all this. Behind that pretty, happy face..she's actually dealing with shit. Well she did. So much pain she went through and it's still a part of her life that I never expected from her..
