Living with depression and anorexia

Thursday, 15th March / Introduction

01:51 am

I've been thinking about writing this for a little while now, and since I can't fall asleep, I decided to begin now

Hi!
I'm currently 19 years old, but soon to be 20!
Really not looking forward to that, I've never been a huge fan of my birthday.

I'm a student, but to be honest I'm not fond of the curriculum I chose, but I'll get into that some other time.

I live in France, for those who wonder, in the city of love 💕(Paris) and frankly I never liked this place, but oh well, to each his own. My first language is French, so I apologise in advance for the mistakes I might make >.< (feel free to correct me)

So why did I decide to write a public diary?
For a couple of reasons actually:
- to lift some weight off my shoulders, and express my feelings freely
- to maybe help and/or inspire others to do something about their problems
- to offer a view on depression and anorexia that I rarely see portrayed in other media

I've been depressed for quite a while, but it got really bad in the beginning of December 2017.
I live alone in a small apartment, and no one to supervise me.
For almost 3 weeks straight I wasn't able to get out of the house, and to this day I still hardly can. But December marks the beginning of what feels like the end (poetic isn't it?? I'm so proud of myself).
So basically, I was hurting everywhere, was constantly tired, couldn't get up, wouldn't stop crying, and started throwing up everything I swallowed.
Not the nicest 3 weeks of my life.

So naturally, I went to the doctor's, and thought I had diarrhea. Turns out, depression! (Quote stolen from Trixie Mattel)

I will try to go to sleep now, but I think I will be back here later this day.

03:48 pm

I didn't eat today, I'm in the train right now and I'm starving. As soon as I get home I will drink one of the protein shakes the doctor told me to drink when I can't eat, and I can feel that if I take solid food I will throw up.

Later at about 6 pm I'm meeting up with one of my five friends lol, we'll just grab a coffee and talk about what a bitch life is.

10:29 pm

Came home from my meet up with my friend a couple of hours ago. I grabbed a McDonald's on my way home, probably a bad idea. I'm most likely going to throw it up in a little bit.

I didn't think I would write again today. I changed my mind cause I just cried. Might be normal to some, but I'm on antidepressants since the beginning of February, and since I started taking them, I can barely cry.

Let me explain in more detail, since I started this medication, it has become harder for me to cry, which is annoying, so crying felt good this time.

Thank you to all of you who made it to here

Kisses 💕