Living with depression and anorexia

Sunday, 22nd April / Crying during sex

I decided to only write the time when it's relevant to what I'm writing.

Anyway, I came back from Lyon Thursday, my boyfriend took me home. I smoked the entire time I was in Lyon and was high for most of the second week, so at first I wanted to not smoke at all for a week when I came back home.
But my boyfriend wanted weed, so I decided to smoke with him anyways. We had sex, o don't remember much of it to be honest.
Then on Friday I had an appointment with my psychiatrist, I cried because I felt like shit, it was super hot, and I hate hot weather.
Afterwards we went to get a cocktail with my boyfriend, we did a bit of shopping and then went home.
It was quite funny actually, we were both very hungry, so we went to take Chinese takeout, and when we got home we were taking our clothes off like animals, and like installing everything, and we joked that it was like that cliche scene where the protagonists strip because they are so horny.

Anyways, after we ate we had sex, and it was really wierd. Like I mentioned in a previous chapter, my libido is very very low, and even though to me my boyfriend is the sexiest person on earth, it's still hard.
So during sex, it was really wierd. It hurt a little, and I don't really know how to describe it but it was very emotional, I almost cried during the act, and I wanted it to be over as soon as possible just so I could go bawl my eyes out in the bathroom. So when he came I ran to the shower, he joined me so obviously he saw me crying, asked if it was because it hurt, and I didn't know what to say, I still don't know why it happened, but I'm pissed.
It took me such a long time to be comfortable with sex, or intimacy altogether, that the fact that it's taken from me due to depression makes me really sad.