Living with depression and anorexia

Friday, 13th April / Pregnancy update

08:46 pm

I'm not pregnant, just anemic and malnourished, which is not shocking at all.
I really would have been pissed if I got pregnant. Not only because I'm not a fan of kids, or that I never want to have any, but because my libido is so low, and sex disgusts me so much, that if I was I would probably also be disgusted with myself.

In other news, I'm acting today in my friend's short film. I'm stressed as hell. I'm really scared of doing too much, I tend to be over dramatic, so I'll update you on that, but for obvious reasons I will not be able to link it.

Also I took a picture of myself for the cover and my profile picture. You can see my bony clavicle and my chest acne. I didn't want to edit it out because I'm not perfect and I'm learning to accept it little by little.
As for my weight, it's hard. My doctor said that it is a remaining symptom of the hepatitis I had several months ago, which I developed because of my birth control, which I was taking for my acne.

This last paragraph might have been confusing so let me reiterate in the chronological order:
     - I had acne since I was 12
     - I took tons of medication throughout the years to try and get rid of it
     - Even roacutane didn't work
     - I tried birth control because my dermatologist thought that it was hormonal acne
     - Birth control gave me hepatitis
     - Hepatitis made me tired, even more depressed and anorexic
     - My hepatitis is gone but the symptoms remain

So there's that. It's no fun at all.

So my issue now is, before I was anorexic I weighed around 54 kg, but I still used to lose weight naturally throughout the year, and I felt the best when I was around 49 kg. Now I weigh around 47 - 48 kg and I feel like crap, but I do quite like the way my body looks. I know that I need to gain weight to be healthy, but I feel like when I gain even a little bit I'm fat as hell.