03:37 pm
I'm finally all alone for the first time since last Wednesday.
Wednesday and Thursday I was at my mom's place, Friday I had friends come over and my best friend, who came from Lyon, stayed until Monday afternoon, and then I spent the night with my boyfriend and he just left.
It's been a while since we spent some time all alone. We didn't have sex though, since I'm on antidepressants I really don't feel like having sex at all.
I already identify as demisexual, and I rarely ever want to do anything sex related, but I do even less now.
Moreover I'm on my period, which sucks.
Anyway, I'm all alone now, I don't feel like doing anything. My head hurts and I'm tired as hell.
Since I don't have anything interesting to talk about I will just share my reflections on my mental health issues, or maybe I should start with the beginning?
I actually can't pinpoint the exact moment it started, but I come from an abusive home, and things were always quite hard.
But I think it got worse at around 13, my friends were in another class, so I never saw them, some of them were already really depressed.
In high school I was quite lonely as well, I ended up getting a couple of friends, but I barely talk to them anymore.
I made my first attempt at suicide at 17, it was school week.
I was an insomniac, so I had trouble sleeping every day.
I started taking pills which were supposed to calm me down and help me sleep.
They didn't work at all.
It got to the point where I took like 10 at the same time and thought to myself "I will sleep very tight, or die, but either way I'll have some rest".
Obviously I didn't die, I actually forgot I did that.
I only remembered about my attempt like 7 months later.
Last year I tried to kill myself again, maybe I'll tell that story some other time.
09:04 pm
Just finished eating. I feel wierd but it was pretty good.
The challenge now is not to throw up.
11:28 pm
I just threw up, challenge failed I guess.
My teeth hurt.
I feel my teeth crumbling away.
It scares the hell out of me, really.
For the people that are reading my diary, if there are things that you'd like me to talk about, to discuss, to tell, or if you just want to talk to someone, just send me a message!
I know how it feels not knowing who to talk to, so yeah don't hesitate!!
Kisses 💕
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Living with depression and anorexia
Não FicçãoI think the title is pretty self explanatory, this is a diary of my very wierd life as a 20 year old depressive anorexic. I have no idea if a trigger warning is needed, but obviously if you're sensitive to descriptions of vomiting, self harming, and...
