Love In a Hoe's Paradise ( Urban Book. *EDITING/ON HOLD*)

The Diary of Sia # 2 Part of In My Life

I just want to get away from all of this and everybody. I just got to much going on in my life. Too many boys with they babymomma's and now i get raped. I feel like i aint got nobody but myself. Im going into depression in a way then on top of that im worried about my health. What would i do if i get pregnant by one of those guys. I feel that my life would be over. All i want is to be happy and content with my life and im not. Im tired of fucking other bitches men i want my own. Im tired of the drama from everything and everybody. I just wont that one person that will understand me. Some one who will accept my pass and me. That person that can look passed all the rumors and the bullshit.

With Sam i feel so safe and secure. He understands me and accepts me for who i am, but its not enough for me. He is the guy and so is Kyle. Im so torn in between them one day i want Sam and the other i want Kyle. Then on top of that i want to do my own thing with other boys. I said i was starting off with new boys,but i had to keep two of the olds ones. Sam just got to much passed stuff catching up with him. I need to now if he willing to stop fucking his baby momma for me. I know he gone go around her because of the baby, but can i trust him. I just need to get to know him better, but i can see us going far. Because after all the drama that happened at the restaurant he was still there for me.

With Kyle its another story. This is the boy that i want, but i hate his ways. After all i put him through and he put me through. We be mad for a couple of day then we back cool then we back mad. I cant win for losing. I just feel bad for fucking him i just should have waited. I dont know what we got going on between each other, but i need to know. Its just crazy how he pop up at my house and start being nice. But, i cant blame it all on him it was me to. So, i dont know what to do with him.

Now its time to talk about the rape and Shaedy. Shaedy is my mothers sisters daughter which make her my cousin. My mother never liked her because Shaedy was with mutiple boys and she was highly sexualy active. My mother just felt like she was an bad person for me to be around. But, me i loved me some Shaedy yeah she had her ways,but i didnt want to stop hanging with her. She introduced me to a lot of things like boys, drugs, and sex. I never really liked the drugs part, but i enjoyed the boys and sex part. She made me feel like i was everything. She taught me how to dress and carry myself, but not in the right way. SHe knew that she was labeled a how, she didnt let known of that get to her or stop her from what she was doing.

I only did this escorting thing out of love. Like they said love will make you do some crazy things and it did. I knew she was doing somethiing sexual for her money, but not prostitution. All i had to do was say No, but i just didnt want to let her down. The whole time there i was worried about everything. Like what if i told them to stop would she get mad or how about if i ran out the door while all this was going on. Shaedy told me out her mouth that if they get out of hand she would tell them to stop, but she didnt. I called her for help she got mad and starting punching me in the face. She lied to me thats why im so hurt by all of this. She was family i would have never let nobody do this to her but why me thats all i want to know. Im not through with Shaedy im not.