Crash 卌 luke hemmings

Ch 6

卌 Monday, September 23 卌

My head slammed against the locker repeatedly as I tried to force myself to forget the rush of memories that always returned with the mention of this shit. No matter how hard I try it always comes back. Always. I just wanted to scream. But I couldn't. Because screaming meant drawing attention. And drawing attention meant talking about it. And talking about it meant more damage. More damage meant wanting to scream all over again. It was a big cycle and I was tired of going through it so I have learned that staying quiet and doing anything possible to forget about it was the best policy.

So here I was...trying to forget in the only way I could think that was left. Nothing else seemed to work. I've been to a psychologist and the entire time all he told me was there was nothing I could do. No matter how many times I heard it, it never helped. I still always believed, wanted ..wished there to be something I could have done.

I dont remember how long I sat there. My legs were pulled up to my chest and my arms were strewn on the ground mostly lifeless aside from the occational flex of my finger to make sure I was still able to move. I had dried tear stains on my cheeks and mascara under my eyes. Footsteps made their way towards my body and slid against the locker. I didn't bother to look who it was. I already had a pretty good idea of who was here this late.

"Therapy," he simply stated.

I slowly turned my head. His blue eyes were covered with his pitch black Ray Bans. "What?" My voice sounded weak and defeated.

"My favorite All Time Low song."

With that he stood up and walked away without another word, not even a head turn back at me. He just strutted away and he seemed like a completely different person from the boy genius I met in the lab. Even through his mask, I was oddly comforted by his words. Enough to get up.

I wiped the mascara from under my eyes and collected my bags. I grabbed my phone and headphones and found myself searching for Therapy as I made my way home.

He was right it was a good song but I wonder why he loved it so much. Did it mean something to him or was it just for the beat at the end of the song? It's a song about strength and recovery and getting through it all even when youre facing the world around you. I related to it on a deeper level than I ever remembered. Even more than If These Sheets Were States. It was a small part of that understanding that I was looking for. Though he hadn't directly been there, through this song I felt a connection to Luke and I had no idea how I felt about it. Joy for finding that, anger at myself, and confusion came to mind. Whatever had just happened, I had a small smile planted on my lips as I walked home singing along.

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卌 Tuesday, September 24 卌

I woke up feeling a little differently about school today. I mean of course it wasn't this life changing realization that everything is going to be okay but for some reason I didn't feel so alone. I barely know Luke and for some reason I connected to him on a deeper level through one song more than I have connected to Ashton and that scared the shit out of me. I didn't want to feel this way.

Of course, like it was planned, Ashton's name pops up on my phone. I stare at it wondering if I should open it but I realized how crazy that sounded as soon as I thought it.

"Hey baby," I fixated my tone to excitement the best I could.

"Hey stranger. How have you been?" tiredness obvious in his voice.

"I'm good," I did not know what else to say.

He pauses waiting for me to say more. When he realizes I was not saying anything else, he started back up again. "Well I have some good news!" Suddenly he didn't sound so tired. "Three weeks from now guess where I will be?"