Open-Up ~ Ryden ✔️

28

warning! Mentions of suicide

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I paced back in forward in front of the camera befitting sitting down.

"Hey everyone." I sighed as I had tears in my eyes. "Something happened and we need to talk about it." I twisted my hands together below the camera.

"When I came out as-" I choked on a sob I was holding in. "As g-gay. I didn't just come out to y'all, most the k-kids at my school watch m-my videos." I started sobbing now.

"And I've always been told my by best friend Brendon and by my siblings and parents to be who I want to be. And who I am." I took a deep breath. "Most people don't have this well of a community to come out to. And I'm l-lucky to have that. But-" I took a deep breath. "A girl a-at my school committed suicide."

I felt more tears roll down my cheeks. Just then my phone rung. I picked it up to see Brendon's name flashing on the phone screen.

"B-Bren! Please come o-over!" I hiccuped and sobbed. The line hung up and I pulled my legs to my chest.

"Her n-note was r-read to the w-while school. And it said things such as: 'I wasn't good enough' and 'people didn't like my sexuality'. And I w-wanted to talk about this. B-because not many of you w-who watched me a long time a-ago would know. I had d-depression and tried to kill myself. B-but it gets better and I k-know everyone says that. But it d-does I'm so happy now." I sobbed again right as the door opened and Brendon rushed in.

"Please! Don't make fun of people f-for who they are a-attracted to!" I cried and Brendon turned off my camera pulling my into his chest.

Brendon and I both have our flaws.

Brendon has ADHD and has a lot of trouble sitting still. Brendon also has bad anxiety and has had a lot of problems with classes and school but he's getting better. He talks loudly and sometimes attracts attention he doesn't need because of that.

Me, I suffered from depression. I tried to kill myself by overdosing and was rushed to the hospital. I was never confident until I started my YouTube account.

Now I don't mean to have my story take a depressing turn.

"I love you." Brendon whispered in my ear.

"I love y-" I couldn't finish what I was saying as a strangled sob came out of my mouth instead of the sweet, reassuring words of 'I love you'.

•
A/N
Sorry for a sadish chapter
I just wanna say that today was terrible day at school
I played a note to long in music my accident and felt super stupid after that and even though it wasn't even a really big deal
I had really bad anxiety for about three hours at the beginning of school and I was trying my best not to cry but I was constantly out of breath and then I had a panic attack in math and a sweet boy asked what was wrong and I told him and he asked if it was from something he said which it wasn't he just didn't understand but I was crying and all
And as soon as we dropped my carpool off I started silently sobbing in the back seat and when we got home I got inside and saw my best friend standing at the top of the stairs telling me that a new panic! Song was out and honestly that made me stop crying and run to see it and for those who don't know Panic! saved my life as I almost killed myself last year and that's hard to think about now bc this is my first year without depression in five years (also im listening to golden rn which isn't helping) and I don't want to really go into detail or talk about it anymore
But my crush was really nice to me today so that's good
I hope this chapter is ok :)
•Song Suggestion•: Silver Lining by Panic! At The Disco
I love the new songs 💕💕💕
Sorry if this is kinda depressing
Anyways

~enjoy killjoys~