Soulmate Au but it's Johnlock! (UNDER HEAVY EDITING- 10/19/2020)

"I'm not going down without a fight!"

Sherlock's head shot up as John's body went completely still. 'Shit, what have I done?!' Sherlock screamed at himself internally. "J-John, I-!" Sherlock started, but John pushed him away. "You think I'm like Jim?" He asked with a face that would've killed Sherlock with sadness and guilt if it could. "I'm so sorry, John. It's just that, every time we had a moment of names before you came back, your name was in my head, but Jim's a total controller. If I were to have said, 'John' instead of 'Jim,' I'd be dead by now." Sherlock explained. "I understand if you don't want to do this anymore, and I'd accept it if you didn't." He said, looking back to John as the boy furrowed his eyebrows. "Are you kidding? I'm already so close, Sherlock. If I wait any longer, I might explode." John said, leaning in for a kiss, but stopping right an inch away from Sherlock's lips to whisper, "I'm going to teach you the difference between Jim and I real quick." Then, gave a sort and quick kiss. Giving Sherlock another source of stimulation coursing through his veins.

It wasn't a full shag. John just received, probably, the best hand job in his life and Sherlock refused to let John return the favour, saying that he needed to get home because it was late. Sherlock gave John a kiss goodbye and proceeded to walk home, there Mycroft told him Jim was up in Sherlock's room, waiting for him. "Ugh, why did you let him in?" Sherlock groaned to himself as he climbed the stars slowly. "Hey," Sherlock greeted. "Where were you?!" Jim asked, standing up, before smelling Sherlock. "John's house? Really, Sherlock? You're cheating on me?" He asked, looking defensive. "No, Jim. I'd never cheat on you," Sherlock said, giving Jim a hug. "I know this is sad, but I'm jealous." Jim admitted as he sighed heavily. "Why? John's not even nearly as smart as you nor I." Sherlock reassured, giving Jim a quick kiss as he sat down on his bed. Jim sat next to him. "What? No, Sherlock! John's stealing you from me. The way you two hang out all the time. And, the way you both look at each other. Seriously, Sherl. You look at him like he's your soulmate, or something. I can't help but think that maybe there's more to what you two are than what you're telling me." Sherlock frowned. "No, I'm not cheating on you with John. John doesn't love me. He's in love with Mary, that's all. We're strictly platonic friends." Sherlock said.

After Sherlock convinced Jim to leave, he contemplated deleting John from his hard drive. That would cause all kinds of complications in John's heart, so maybe he could delete the memory of when they shared Intimate moments? That wasn't bad, right? And since John will remember them, if they ever become a public thing, John could tell him stories and share the intimacy again. So, Sherlock lied down on his bed, closed his eyes and concentrated. He focused on all of the kisses and intimate moments John and Sherlock have ever shared, and it was beautiful. Sherlock had kept the pre loss of John Astronomy night where John tried to kiss him, and he kept when they reunited at school, but all of the severely stimulating parts, he'd trashed. And, he couldn't delete the debate on whether or not to delete in there, Sherlock couldn't physically delete it. He would've kept it anyway, because he figured when he had things to explain to John he could recall that moment on the spot and have an epiphany about it. He couldn't quite focus, so he went to his desk to get out his box. He sat on his bed once more and tied the rope around his upper arm, cutting off circulation. He then poked the syringe needle into his arm and released the drug under his skin. Sherlock lied down once more, feeling like the world was spinning, almost instantly. He was dying and it didn't really matter. He'd finally been able to delete what was selected in his hard drive, before getting a massive nosebleed and passing out.

"Sherlock!" John shouted. Shaking Sherlock's chest desperately, Sherlock heard his best friend plead for him to wake up again. "Sherlock, wake up, dammit!" John's tears dropped onto Sherlock's face, and even still, not the move of a muscle. "Sherlock?" Mycroft and Gavin walked in and in a great panic, they checked almost everything, even after John told them the essentials of the issue. The four of them went immediately to the hospital and rushed Sherlock in. They'd been waiting for Sherlock to wake up for a while and Sherlock's parents arrived, leaving John and Sherlock in the room whilst Mycroft and Graham were to explain the best they could. "Sherlock. Why did you do this? You don't have to be stupid like them." John said, taking Sherlock's hand and pressing it affectionately to his forehead. "Couldn't you see, I liked you because you weren't normal."

  Sherlock blinked his eyes open. He saw a brilliant white light and freaked out, thinking he was dead. He sat up and scrambled on the surface of wherever he was. There was noise around him and he could hear voices. Some of them were panicked and some were trying to calm him down. He felt a soft hand fall onto his and froze up. "Who's that?" Sherlock asked. The hand slowly linked their fingers together. "Come on, Sherlock. It's me. John." The voice said and Sherlock followed it, turning his head in the direction of where it was coming from. "Hi," Sherlock sighed. "Hey," John chuckled in relief. Sherlock relaxed a bit and looked down at his lap. "Is Mycroft there?" He asked. "John, I think you should wait outside." Mycroft's stern voice has John tightening his grip on Sherlock's hand. "John stays, Mycroft." Sherlock said, turning his head to wherever his voice came from. "This is a Family matter." Mycroft said. "That's why, he stays!" Sherlock shouted, smacking his hand against his thigh, wincing as his arm was sore and he was tugging on all of the iv's and wires he was hooked up to. "Why am I in the hospital?" Sherlock asked as he looked at his arm. "Sherlock, what did you delete?" Mycroft asked. "Something about John," Sherlock muttered as he felt John's hand twitch at the mention of his name. "What about John?" Mycroft wondered. "If I deleted it, it's not there!" Sherlock said, furrowing his brow. "My ass! I know you know! You can't delete the contemplations yet, you're just not that experienced!" Mycroft shouted. "Fine! Fuck it! I deleted every time John and I became intimate, because I couldn't handle the guilt because I know I'm hurting Jim and John by it." Sherlock said in defeat. "Temporary blindness?" Mycroft asked. Sherlock only nodded. "So, there's multiple times that you two have gotten 'intimate,' then?" Mycroft asked, raising an eyebrow. "John, come out here so we can talk." Gavin said from what was presumed to be the doorway. Sherlock felt John's hands tighten, and eventually slide off and away from his own hand, untangling their fingers. "You need to end it with Jim," Mycroft's voice was harsh and came in strong. "He loves me," Sherlock said, "I don't want to lose the person who actually wants to be romantic with me." Sherlock shrugged. As he regained parts of his vision, Sherlock gasped a bit. Mycroft grabbed Sherlock's chin and turned the boy's head to look at the doorway where John and Graham were talking. "Do you see him?" He asked, waiting for Sherlock to nod, which he did. "That boy, right there. He loves you in every variation, every sense, and every meaning of the word. Sherlock, I can see it. Every time Jim is mentioned or, god forbid, present and near you, he's in misery. And, I know you don't love Jim. Just make it easier, and break it off, please. Don't be miserable and separated, be happy and together for God's sake!"