Honey, I Shrunk the Egos

Come on DOWN to Baby Bulk Buy!

Mark paced back and forth on the front passenger seat as Amy drove. "I wish you'd sit down and put your seat belt on..." She sighed.

Glancing at the giant band, Mark shook his head. "It wouldn't do anything anyway. That belt doesn't get close enough to the seat to hold me in place, and would probably crush me if it did." He shrugged. "I'm fine here, just focus on not crashing."

"I can't help it if some crazy person hits us." Amy pointed out. "You'd probably be safer if you sat back with the Googles."

"They have a fucking cockroach in that box!" Mark muttered, then climbed up to look around the edge of the seat, looking back at Kathryn. "How is the fucking cockroach?"

"Dirty Jim has a name!" Google Yellow exclaimed.

Kathryn glanced down into the box, watching the critter rushing between the Googles, like it was checking on them. "Fine, I guess?"

Mark shook his head. "I don't really care how the cockroach is, when I ask that, I mostly want to know that it's contained and hasn't developed sentience yet."

"Hasn't developed sentience yet?" Amy chuckled, glancing over before turning her attention back to the road.

"Hey! I'm five fucking inches tall... I'm assuming anything is possible at this point, and someone said it wanted humanity destroyed or something." Mark sighed.

"I don't think it's sentient." Kathryn laughed.

"Dirty Jim despises you all." Google Yellow confirmed.

"Cockroaches are the most likely to survive the apocalypse, even nuclear fallout." Google Blue tried to explain.

Kathryn shifted a little. "I don't think I want this box in my lap anymore."

Mark smirked. "Just realize it's a box of evil? With a fucking cockroach in it?" He chuckled.

"We're almost there Kathryn!" Amy promised.

Of course Ed Edgar was at Ed Edgar Adoptallott's Baby Bulk Buy. In fact, he had gone to work early that morning, as he did every morning, to avoid having to spend time with his own son, Ed Junior. He had just made his way down to the receiving room, where babies were brought in before being tested... for quality control, and shipped off to their new homes. He was just looking over the new stock of cyborg babies when he realized they were larger than they usually were. Shaking his head, he grumbled, grabbing a nearby clipboard to write down the findings. He glanced up, trying to estimate the size and realized the babies seemed even larger than before. Dropping his clipboard he leaned on the edge of the baby gate. "Are ya growin'?" He grunted, watching the babies crawling around the spacious pen. "I don't remember orderin' any speed growth babies." He mused to himself. Turning back to look for a clock and figure out when his shipment manager would be in, Ed noticed the room seemed larger than it had before. With a confused groan, he looked back to the pen, gasping at how large the cyborg babies seemed now. "Well stop that!" He uttered.

Moving to take a step back, Ed tripped over his pants which had started bagging around his legs. Stumbling back, he reached out and grabbed onto the baby gate for stability. The clip holding the door closed, immediately snapped and sent Ed tumbling back onto his rear anyway. "Ugh." Ed groaned until he heard the pitter clang of cyborg babies crawling towards him. "No babies! No!" He tried to get to his hands and knees to crawl for the gate, but he was already trapped in the growing force that was his shirt, the weight of his now giant hat, forcing him down.

Ed wrestled his way out from the pile of clothing, throwing his arms up. "Ed Edgar is victorious!" He turned, flipping his middle finger to the mountain of clothes. "Hear that hat?" He fell silent a moment. Pitter, clang, clunk, patter.... baby cyborgs crawling! Ed dove back, grabbing the brim of his hat and held on for dear life as a stampede of baby cyborgs crawled their way past. The wind created by their quick crawling, created a gust that tossed Ed around, but thankfully he kept his hold on the brim of his hat. "Just like a bucking bronco." Ed grunted, running a hand through his hair. "Or college girls gone wild." He glanced down at his tiny body and then his mountain of clothes, before making his way over to his shoes. Digging his sock out, he sniffed it and turned up his nose, coughing a bit. "Not bad." He muttered, pulling the sock up around him like he was getting ready for a potato sack race. "Not bad." He said again, nodding at his handy work.