Different- Jack Ginisky fanfic

Chapter 27

I knocked. I didn't want to do this, I'd rather jump off the hotel roof, or put my head through this wall but instead I knocked. I heard him move towards the door and I held my breathe, I was scared, would he be mad, would he hold back?

He opened the door and I was met with a run down looking Jack, sleepy looking, tired eyes, a little red around the nose and hair all messy, he was in black sweatpants and a grey hoodie and I still wanted to uncontrollably kiss him to my hearts content, it was ridiculous how he made me feel, even when I'm still pissed at him.

Jack: Lola omg!

He spoke in a tired raspy voice, it was nasally, so cute and quiet but also kinda sexy? I don't even know

I hugged him, it was a sort of pity for him being ill and I actually really fucking missed him way.

Me: Hey, I heard you were sick. And I can kinda tell you're sick too.

He walked into his room and I followed closing the door behind me, no turning back now, even if he is sick I'm going to have to talk to him about everything.

Jack: Yeah well I'm recovering, should be okay for the show in a few days time, hopefully my voice is at least normal by then.

Me: Oh god yeah that would be awful if it wasn't... So I... I saw Sam earlier he told me he told you something

Jack's body slightly stiffened, I couldn't tell by looking at him but I felt him clench as it moved the bed.

Jack: Uh yeah, yeah he did

Me: And he said you seemed annoyed about it

Jack: Well yeah surely it's understandable, considering what happened between us

Me: Oh really, I find that a little twisted coming from you honestly

Jack: What? Twisted? what are you on about?

Me: Oh like you don't think I'm going to see you making out with a girl at the same party as me? Do you think I'm stupid Jack? When were you gonna tell me about the kiss, even about the girl?!

Jack: I... Uh... Lola please I-

Me: But it's fine isn't it, it's not like this girl is your ex girlfriend? Oh wait

Jack: Lola stop-

Me: At least you don't do it all the time? Oh wait

Jack: You are being impossible-

Me: No Jack you can shut the fuck up for all I care, Jack told me everything and it hurt okay, but what broke my fucking heart was hearing that you kissed her after Washington Jack! After we slept together, I liked you so much I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye, I was waiting my by phone for you to text or call but instead you were kissing her, Jack that makes me feel so betrayed I can't believe it, you would actually do this to me after what we went through, I thought you liked me, and then you did it infront of me and a party. Infact I don't even want to hear whatever bullshit excuse you have because I'd rather leave and not speak to you again.

I stood up, sobbing and angry, I never knew it meant so much to me but after my outburst I realise the sheer mass of the situation and how painful it made my heart feel, I felt like throwing up but instead I walked to the door wiping away my tears.

Jack: I can't tell you how sorry I am, Lola please just let me expl-

Me: You know what the worse thing is Jack, what makes the pit of my stomach turn over just thinking about it, that I kissed you and fell for you all over again after you had gone behind my back, I had all these people telling me I was stupid for not saying goodbye I felt so guilty, but I realise now I was just getting fucked over, did you just use me for sex, like you knew I would because of Washington and you tried at mine and when I declined you went back to Leigh again, thats it isn't it.

Jack: Not at all Lola you can't-

Me: JUST TELL ME JACK, TELL ME YOU DONT CARE AND YOU NEVER LIKED ME BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY DIDNT

Jack: LOLA I DONT WANT TO FIGHT PLEASE JUST LISTEN TO ME

I covered my face to gather myself, I had completely exploded it was pathetic, I looked at him, we were about panting from the adrenaline.

Me: Fine... Tell me your side Jack, make this all better and okay with your explanation, please do because I'm interested in your excuse now.

Jack: Yes I betrayed you, after Washington I was heart broken I was convinced you not saying goodbye meant you thought it was a fling, that you didn't want anything more, so there was a party and I got drunk and high and Leigh was there, she came on to me and I know that doesn't make it okay because I still kissed her back. But when I saw you at the airport, your face brought all of the emotions I experienced when I first met you, when we spoke and I hugged you and lifted you in that feild in Dallas..

I tear ran down my cheek, it was still painful thinking of how we were, he reached out to wipe it away but I moved away my face, I didn't want him to touch me.

Jack: ...You in that airport leaving for London stuck a chord in me, I though I would forever want Leigh and no girl would change that, but you made me feel different, made me see different. And when we were together at Carters and in Nebraska I couldn't of been happier, finding out Sam kissed you was so hurtful, but I knew I had done the same and worse to you.

Me: This doesn't make it better Jack, I wish it would but I've been fucked over too many times in the past for me to brush this off, I feel like a piece of wood and everytime I get involved with someone I get carved down, after this there is nothing more than a splinter left and I can't get any smaller else I'll just disappear.

Jack: If I had known my actions would have upset you so much do you really think I would have done them, the last thing I want to do is hurt you, I want to protect you. All I can say now is that I'm sorry.

Me: But you have done them, and you have hurt me.

I walked out.