Hysteria (studxstud)

20. Rest

Jay's POV

I stood staring at myself in the mirror. Bloodshot eyes, busted lips and a runny nose. I got into a fight yesterday with Shane because she kept talking shit and I was sick of it. The news got out that Crystal died and no one even cared about that anymore. The big news was that her own girlfriend sold her heart on the black market, which Shane's family passed off as a rumor and with hot shot lawyers they were able to stay free from lawsuits and jail time. I broke up with Julio because she was in on it all along. I mean, neutrality means you take the side of the oppressor and I wasn't up for that.

Today was Crystal's cremation ceremony and I had to pull out my black tux for this one. I looked myself up and down and wondered where would my life go after this. I know that my family is moving as my mom got a job in St Ann. Cris' dad realized there was nothing left for him in that community anymore so he is leaving the island with her mom to go live overseas with her family, i know he's not gonna be comfortable but at least he won't be alone.

My shoes were already tied up and I was basically ready to head out when my phone beeped. I looked over and it was a Facebook notification showing me memories from 2012, it was Cris and I when we just started dressing like tomboys. I chuckled while a tear fell from my eye, I quickly dried it up because I told myself I wasn't going to cry today.

My mom had just finished getting ready and I went out into the living room where all our boxes were packed up and ready to move. Someone knocked on the grill and i went out to open it because Cris' mom and dad were supposed to meet us here so we could all drive to the morgue together. They stepped in and commented on the packing progress that we made. We all shared care statements and waited on my mom to finish dressing Dari. It wasn't the same between me and Cris' pops anymore, we were awkward to say the least but he still calls me his "other daughter" which was an inside joke ever since we watched Coraline.
We all got into the car and my mom turned on the radio to tune out the silence, for no one dared to speak on this gruesome journey to where we would have to say our last goodbye. None of us really had any closure since Shane made sure no one got to see her on the days leading up to the surgery.

I thought Jamaica's police system was outdated so i was shocked when my mom advised that we should get a restraining order on Shane and her family. The process was tedious and I wished Cris was here to crack jokes about it with me.

We got to the morgue with tears in everyone's eyes. The ceremony was set for 3 PM and it was currently 2:30. We all sat and discussed future plans and this is when I learned that Cris' dad had already packed and moved overseas and they were leaving tomorrow on a flight back to wherever her mom lives. My mom talked about her new job as bank manager for the branch in Ocho Rios and how we were moving on the weekend.

It was finally three and I was ready to get this over with.

There she was, her skin was no longer pale. She was right, the only time anyone would ever get the chance to put makeup on her was when she was dead and here we were, ha. In my mind I wanted to take a picture but then I remembered I don't have a best friend to share things with anymore.

"She's really gone isn't she?" I heard myself asking no one in particular and I felt firm hands on my shoulder. I looked up meeting the eyes of her pops and we both shared the same remorse and dread in our eyes.

I didn't just have a few words to say, I had a whole epiphany. I wish I could tell out her life from the day we became best friends to today when I had to burn my best friend's body. Wish I could talk about how short lived our life plans were because she died way too early and I don't know how to continue without her but I had to settle and I promised myself that I would say an epiphany of everything I had left to say because she deserved the memories.

"Hey Cris, they dressed you up nicely. I picked out that tux for you, it matches mine perfectly. We were supposed to have matching suits for our weddings but due to unforeseen circumstances we had to wear them today instead. Today, the day I have to say goodbye to your body forever. I know they took your heart but you'll forever be in my heart, in our hearts. I kicked Shane's knee in, it was the least I could do for you because you know the most would be devastating and I broke up with Julio because why the hell not right? I couldn't write something that was telling everyone here how nice of a person you were because the few that are here knows you are a rebel at heart and nice was too simple of a word to describe you. You went through the world fearless and you burned it down with the goodness in your heart. You never settled and I hated you for that but now going forward I thank you so much for teaching me a lot about myself. I'm going to miss you and I know everyone else here will but Crystal we can't stay sad forever we have to move on and even though this is gonna be cliche, I know you would have wanted that. I hope wherever your mom puts the remainder of your ashes no spiders are there because I wouldn't want you to be scared in the after life as well knowing I'm not there to laugh at you and to calm you down because it's just a tiny spider while listening to you babble on and on about how "dangerous" they really are. I know you can't come back but I'd love to have you around again. My mind is your resting place and you will always be with me.... literally because I'm planning on putting some of your ashes in this new necklace that I bought. That's only if they let me though. I can't bury you with any jewelry so I only bought one and it has your name on it but I'll keep it for you and I'll keep your memory safe best friend. Peace out."