I Guess We'll Never Know (adopted by fob)✔

Fourty-Five

The weekend couldn't be any more excruciating. I ignored the constant calls and texts I got from Max and AJ. Now it's Monday and I felt more angry at myself than when I started yelling at him. "Aren't you going to eat something?" "Not hungry." It was a lie, they seemed to be flowing from my mouth easier, I am starving. I kept telling myself that it was a way to check if I was alive. I just knew that it was a way to punish myself. Earlier on Saturday and I had been told that I am allowed to have band practice and gigs, and that they we're just overreacting. Hell of only there was a band to practice with. I'm convinced that my foolishness ended it.

I left the house, feeling a wave of sadness crash into me when I saw that Jake's truck isn't parked out front waiting for me. I trudged into school, dressed in one of Patrick's hoodies, leggings and Converse loosely tied onto my feet. My hair pulled into a messy bun. Nothing on my face except a pair of glasses and a frown. I ignored everything and found myself walking up the stairs to the hallway I was painting. I tried not to think about the reality of my hard work destroyed. That band was my goal in life. In just 10 minutes, I had managed to crumple it up and throw it in the sewer of broken and failed dreams. It landed on a pile of everything I had fucked up. I didn't paint anything that period, just sat on the floor staring at the half finished wall. It dawned on me that school'll be over in 3 months. March, April, May. The boys go on tour again in a month. I already told them that I wanted to stay with Brendon and Sarah.

"Ty! Why haven't you answered my calls? Texts?" I didn't answer, just stared at my feet. Max stopped asking questions after I didn't answer his 10th. Jake didn't make an indication that he knew I exsisted. "We have band practice tonight right?" I shook my head. "What! Tyler Elizabeth Denisse Wentz! You can't blow off the band you've worked so hard for." "Mr. Whitaker, is there something you'd like to share with the class?" "No ma'am, sorry." I wrote down notes without noticing what I was writing. "Mrs. Wentz, what does it mean when something has 8 valence electrons?" "It's stable." She nodded, content with my answer.

Lunch rolled around and AJ had been freaking out as much as Max. I couldn't take it. I texted Pete and asked if he could pick me up. Told him that I was too anxious to continue the day. "Mrs. Wentz to the front for pick up. Mrs. Wentz to the front for pick up." I grabbed my things and ran down the hall to Pete.

Home was full of questions. "Just tell us what is going on." "Jake and I got into a fight the other day." Pete growled, his forehead scrunching in anger. "I started it. All you need to know is that my band is on the fine line of fail or going on. Without Jake we aren't WRD, we're just three jackass' playing instruments and screaming into a microphone. Without Jake, I'm not me." There I said it and damn let me tell you, it hurt a lot. I hate hiding from reality. Patrick seemed shocked about the whole thing. "Why were you fighting?" "Some bitch was flirting with him and I got jealous. I fucked us up and I couldn't be more angry. On Friday, I had to get out of the house, so I went to the library." "I'm going to tell you something that you can't get out of. If by tour time, you don't work things out with your band and Jake, then we're taking you on tour with us." I looked down at my hands, watching them slightly tremble. "Ty I think Pete is right. You need to either work it out or leave it and come back to it. You're only 15, life won't be over if Jake ends up as some dick you were with." I felt tears prick my eyes. He wasn't just some dick I was with. He'd be the dick that I gave me virginity to. Something I can never get back.

"Why're you crying?" I wiped away the tears I hadn't realized fell. "I'm just overwhelmed. I'm going to go work on homework." I got up and went to go downstairs. "If there is anything you want to tell us, then you can tell us. No secrets." I merely nodded, my stomach twisting into nots. I felt so dirty. I needed to get this off my chest, I wanted to scream and shout. Tell all my problems and secrets. But I'm afraid someone else will hear me.