Friend To Lover - Steve x Bucky

Chapter 7

Steve's POV

After I confessed my feelings to Bucky, I thought I would feel regret, but I didn't. Instead I felt relieved and completely ecstatic when he said he loved me too. I think that from now one, things can only go up, I hope.

*Time Skip*

I was partially right. Things were getting better, but Bucky had bad days, and I believe that he always will have some bad days. But at least I'll be there for him when they do happen. There were some days where he just sat in the corner of his room, unmoving. Those days were rough because I knew that no matter what I did, nothing could make him forget the horrors he endured from Hydra. We've been together for so long that by now I know almost every scar on his body, and it still pains me sometimes to see the scars on his back from whippings, or an occasional scar on his arm that was self-inflicted decades ago. No matter how old they get, they're still there, serving as a reminder to both of us what he's been through, what I could never help him with, and that our future still lies ahead of us. He became happier, and less secluded, sometimes even asking for help instead of struggling with it on his own. His eating patterns became more regular and he didn't look emaciated anymore. Now he looked healthy, muscular even, just like the Bucky I knew during the war. I remember about a month ago I gently hugged him on his shoulders and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, but he quickly withdrew. I was scared, thinking I had done something to his recovery that will hinder him for the rest of his life. He started shaking and he could barely speak. His voice came just above a whisper when he told me how the agents of HYDRA had sexually abused him over the years, and he most likely will never be able to come to terms with it. After he confided in me he curled in on himself and he looked like a kicked puppy. I promised to him, several times actually, that I would never do something to him like that, ever. The next few weeks were uneventful. We stayed at home mostly because Bucky had a hard time being in public without glancing into corners and shadows, expecting a HYDRA agent to jump out at him. Sam came over a few times and Bucky slowly began to warm up around him. Sam was one of the only people who knew about our relationship. I wasn't ready to tell Fury that 1. I was gay and 2. I am in a relationship with someone who was previously considered one of the most dangerous men on SHIELD's watch list. I really didn't need Fury's glare adding to my guilty conscience list. Besides, Bucky hadn't had an extreme violent outbreak since last month. Of course it took a while and there were still days where he would just sit somewhere and not move, but we got through it. It wasn't until one day where I realized something was wrong. I was called on a mission with the Avengers early in the morning. While I was reluctant to leave Bucky on his own for a little while, I thought it would be a good test to see if he was well enough to be alone. I let him know just before I left and he looked so incredible sad it broke my heart. I almost couldn't leave him alone but duty calls.

Even though I left in the morning I didn't make it home until 3 pm. By the time I did get home I started feeling a little panicky because I left Bucky alone for so long. I slowly open the door to my apartment and walk inside. I listen with a bated breath, and I hear quiet sobbing coming from Bucky's room. I quickly walk over and gently open the door. What I see next breaks my heart. Bucky's leaning against the wall, clenching his arms tightly together. His head is down but I can tell that tears are running down his face. He's not wearing a shirt, and even though he's gained weight, he's still fairly gaunt. But that's not what shocked me. What frightened me was the knife clenched in his hand with bloody cuts criss-crossing over his arms. "Oh Bucky," I mutter. I go over and pull him into a hug, slowly picking him up and pull him into the bathroom. I blink back my tears as I clean his arms and bandage them. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy and in between his sobs I could barely make him out saying, "I'm so sorry, please don't hurt me. I promise I'll do better, just don't hurt me." It was pretty clear he was having a flashback to his HYDRA days. I made him look up at me and promised him that no matter what, we would stay together. Because we'll be with each other, till the end of the line.