Overdose of Happiness

7

Julie's pov

"Cheer up pumpkin." the way Evan said it got me sinking in my thoughts, it's the way it rolled out of his mouth, the way he was staring at me with those piercing eyes of his, how his lips curved into a small smile after saying it.

All of it gave me some unknown feelings.

Feelings that I have never had or felt before. Not even with Adams.

At the same time I was wondering, who is the visitor? I am hundred percent sure it's my mother. I mean I don't have anybody in my life. I don't even have her she is probably here to mock me and have some entertainment as she watches the misery she put me through.

I was now walking towards the visiting room. A nurse was guiding me there and when we reached she unlocked the door.

I smiled at her before entering and there she stood the devil herself. My mother stood there her back facing me and she was holding a cigarette. She turned around to face me with a fake smile, yet not being able to hide the hint of amusement when she eyed my state.

Her dirty red hair was in a bun, she was wearing a black jaket, a black knee skirt, her makeup was dark just like her soul.

God I hate this woman.

This woman standing in front of me, abused me. This woman who was supposed to love me, hates me. This woman standing infront of me crushed me. This woman standing infront of me was killing slowly everyday.

I didn't even care about greeting her. I just stood there. Usually I would be scared to death standing infront of her knowing what this woman is capable of doing. All the fear i had is now gone.

"Well hello to you too Julie."

I hate how she says my name. She makes it sound like so awful. I didn't reply to her. Why the hell is she here?

"So are you just going to stand there like a fucking statue?"

I still didn't answer her. I have nothing to say to this woman. I can't believe I am seeing her again, can't believe she has the audacity to even show her face.

"Of course, Now you feel guilty for what have you done. You had a life that everybody wished they had. You had the money, the house, the boyfriend, best friends and literally everything. You should be grateful but now look you are nothing but an embarrassment to the family."

She knew she was annoying and hurting me with her words. She doesn't even know I broke up with Adams and all my "friends" turned out to be fake friends. I couldn't hold myself anymore. I could feel my blood boiling. All the thoughts in my head were just way too much, I didn't want to hold back anymore.

"If I am an embarrassment to the family then what are you to the family?" I said pointing my index finger towards her.

She was shocked by my answer, not my answer to me more specific she was shocked by how brave and bold I was. Of course she was expecting me to crumble as soon as I see her, like always.

"I knew it, you are the one who is an embarrassment to the family not me. I don't smoke, I don't do drugs or go clubbing and fuck every single guy. I am not you mom and I will never be you."

Silence filled the room and I could tell she felt guilty. I felt something was pushing me to get out everything I have been holding, it's like it was once in a life time.

"If your fath-" I cut her off instantly. "If dad was still here he would have been proud of me for surviving living with an abusive mother like you and dealing with all the shit you put me through."

Now I was the one annoying her and I was glad that I got everything out to her. I want to make her regret everything. I want her to go through everything she put me through, I want her to suffer the way she made me, I want to put her through the same misery as she did to me.

She was never like this, not until father passed away. I don't know when did things start falling apart but they really fell hard and the woman I once referred to as my mom became my worst enemy.

I took off my long white sleeve I was wearing to show her the scars. The scars she did.

"See this one on my shoulder. Remember when you got fired from your job and came back home blaming me for it so you decided to take it out on me. Remember when you broke the glass bottle and digged the glass in my shoulder all the way down to my elbow. Remember when you left me bleeding there."

The tears started rolling uncontrollably down my cheeks remembering that day, I didn't want to look weak infront of her especially. I don't want to give her that satisfaction. "Leave mom please. I don't want to see you ever again."

She took her bag and glanced at me one last time before leaving, not forgetting the regret that washed over her face. At this point I was crying and sobbing. All the memories are back again.

I sometimes question, Did I ever have mother?

I am just going to be haunted by these memories forever. Time doesn't heal anything. It will never heal this. I put my shirt back on before leaving the room. I never knew that I would see her again. I feel lost right now.

_ _ _ _ _

I went to the garden, Its my first time going out there. Nothing can help me express my feelings right now. Not even the piano.

I just looked up the sky praying for it to get better. Praying for all the pain to vanish, praying for a happy life, Praying for a better me. I just want to scream to let it all out because it's killing me inside. Its like knives in my back, Her words are knives in my heart.

You are worthless

You are ugly

Nobody likes you

Kill yourself

I kept begging, begging god to make all this pain that's consuming every inch of my body to stop, I just need it all to end.

It started raining and I was still outside. I closed my eyes escaping reality but I couldn't escape the memories.

I heard someone calling my name but all my focus was on the sky. When the voice got closer my eyes shifted from the sky to see who was calling me.

Evan was running towards me. "Julie, what are you doing here?"

I don't know what was going on with me but I felt the need of his comfort. I threw myself into his arms wrapping them tightly around him.

To my surprise, he wrapped his arms tightly around my waist.

"Please, Evan make it stop." I don't know why I said that, but I felt the need to let it out to someone.

He kept rubbing my back in circles softly comforting me. I know him for five days and I don't want to leave his arms.

"It's going to be fine, I am here with you." He kept repeating it comforting me.

"Let's get you in before you get sick."