•°~Kleinsen-Oneshots~°•

Storytime

WE HIT 15 K READS!!
LIKE, WHAT??
THANK YOU!!
HAVE THIS S H I T TO CELEBRATE

Once upon a time, there were 5 gay people. Edgelord (Connor), Treesexual (Evan), Star girl (Zoe), alternate universe Veronica Sawyer (Alana), and Bathbomb Boy (Take a guess).

They were hanging out at Connor and Zoe's house.

"Hey, Jared?" Zoe suddenly asked.

"Yeah?"

"You never told us how you got fired from Lush."

Evan smiled. He knew the story. "Yeah, how DID you get fired?"

"Shut it, Evan, you whore, I told you."

"Tell us!!" Alana said.

"Alright. Tell us." Connor said unenthusiastically.

"Finee. So.."

~~~
FLLAAAAAAAAAASSHHBAAAAAAACCCKKKK
~~~

"Jared! Finally, you showed up." Jared's boss, Frankie, said when he walked in.

"Yyour mom showed up. Eeeeyyyyyyyyy."

"Jared.. what?"

Rich walked over, chuckling.

"The fuck you lookin' at.. ya fuckin... Midget?" Rich laughed.

"Those bathbombsssss."

Frankie gave up, walking into the breakroom. He needed a glass of wine right about now, anyway.

Rich walked over to the bathbombs, preparing to start recording. Two other employees took notice and walked over.

"The fuck you doing, Goranski?"

"First-name basis, Kurt." John reminded him.

Jared walked over to the bathbombs and picked one up, facing the camera as Rich started recording.

"This, bitches, is what we call a fruit."

Rich's boyfriend, Jake, had taken noticed and walked over.

"Ya wanna see me do something cool to the fruitises?"

Jared then stood up on the bathbomb display and backflipped. The display crashed to the ground as bathbombs rolled everywhere.

Everyone was dying of laughter by now.

Jared picked up a 'fruit'.

"LOOK AT THIS DELICIOUS FU-RUIT!"

He pulled off the plastic and took a bite into it.

John was almost on the floor laughing by now.

"HEAR THAT CRONCH! MMMM, DADDY!!"

John was now on the floor. To top it all off, Jake now had "Barbie Girl" blasting on the shop's speakers, so that was playing in the middle of all of it.

Jared was running around, picking up different products, opening them and rubbing them all over himself.

It wasn't long until he was screaming "MY SKIN FEELS LIKE IT'S DISSOLVING" due to the mix of bathbombs and hand sanitizer.

A short boy wearing a white polo shirt and black tie tapped him on the shoulder.

"E-excuse me, I think you should leave."

"I FUCKED YOUR BOYFRIEND, BITCH! I'LL LEAVE IF I WANNA."

The boy quickly pulled out his phone.

As he walked out, you could hear him say into the phone "Kevin, we need to talk."

Jared stood up on a counter, screaming along to Barbie Girl without knowing most of the lyrics.

"I'M A BARBIE GIRL IN A BARBIE WO-O-ORLD!! I'M SO SLUTTY, IT'S JRKEEKEKR WHAT ARE THE WORDS MY HAIR, TOUCH ME EVERYWHE-E-ERE!! IMAGINATION, LA LA, MASTURBATION!!"

Then the counter broke, and Jared fell onto a piece of wood and a lot of exploded open bottles of lotion. He began to lick the lotion off himself screaming "IT TASTES LIKE A BAR OF SOAP'S SEMEN!!"

He picked up a bathbomb and screaming "TRICK SHOT!!" and then threw it at the glass window. It shattered open and went into someone's car window.

"OH SHIT!!"

Rich ran up to the cash register. He pulled the money out of it and threw it into a random purse on the floor.

"WE GOTTA GET OUT OF TOWN!!"

Outside the store, there were two Anna and Elsa bikes left there a few weeks ago.

So Rich got on the Elsa bike and Jared hopped on the back, holding the purse.

"DRIVE, MAN, DRIVE!!"

Rich began peddaling down the sidewalk at what seemed like an impossible speed, them both screaming.

Then Rich crashed into a bush.

~~~
Return to present day
~~~

Everyone had been dying of laughter after being shown Rich's video.

Jared stood up, bowing.

"Thank you, thank you."

And that, my friends, is what you just wasted at least 5-10 minutes on reading.

Goodbye. Go spend your time and money on somewhere of importance now.