Forever is Crashing Down on Me (Austin Carlile)

Chapter One And The Cycle Had Begun

Chapter One And The Cycle Had Begun

I rolled over and expected to feel Austin laying in the bed, but was met with an empty set of sheets. I sat up, grabbing Austin’s shirt from the floor and throwing it on, laughing at the fact it went to my knees, before making my way to the living room of my apartment. I stopped just short of the living room, hearing Austin on the phone and wanting to give him the privacy he gave me whenever I was taking a phone call.

I heard him hang up the phone and walked into the living room.

“Hey,” he said, smiling at me and kissing my lips. I knew him well enough to know that he needed to tell me something.

“What is it?” I asked, pulling him onto the couch with me, sitting on his lap and looking at him.

“I love you wearing my clothes,” he said smiling, I kissed his nose then looked at him, telling him to get to the point, “we’re going on tour in two weeks. We’ll play here the first night, then again five days later.”

“That’s alright. I’ll come to the first show, but most likely not the second, alright?” I ask, knowing he’ll accept that.

“I wish you could come with us,” he started, knowing that it was pointless. I loved him and all the guys, and I hated when he left. I just wouldn’t go on tour with him, I hated being there because I knew the fans didn’t like me. They didn’t like me when I was just friends with the band, and now that I was dating Austin it’s even worse.

“And you know that I would, but I cannot deal with it face to face,” he’s tried to get me to go on tour with them every single time.

I could deal with the comments on Instagram, Tumblr, Twitter, whatever. But it’s different in person than over a screen. Their comments never made me question Austin and I, or even myself. I just didn’t know how an entire tour would affect me. I had an extremely good view of myself, I had high self esteem, I didn’t hate anything about my body or face. I just was worried that it might change with two or three months of dirty looks and whispers.

Austin understood, he accepted my requests. He knew that after this tour, the next one they had would be Warped Tour, and that I had accepted to go with them for that one, because Warped brought out the best in people.

“I’ll get them to stop, Dev. I will, believe me,” he always said this, always promised that I would be able to not worry about it. He helped a lot actually; him and all the guys. At the end of all their concerts they would always ask for people to be nice to me, telling the fans that they all loved me and wanted to me stick around.

It was sweet of them, to try so hard to get me to go on tour with them. I felt bad every time I rejected the invitation, but they knew it was for a good reason. I skyped them after every single show, no matter the time change. I had made sure to do that since I was just friends with the whole band.

I loved to hear their stories about the fans they met and how the crowd responded. It was exhilarating to listen to them. It made me wish to be there, until one of them finally came out and said the bad comments that the fans had made towards me while talking to Austin. I thanked them for telling me though, I asked them to. Austin would always get upset that they told me, he would want to hide it from me.

“You know I’ll be there for Warped, I’ll be there all summer and I’ll be there every night in your bunk while you’re asleep. I’ll be side stage for every single show, occasionally wanting to go watch another band play for a set while you’re at a signing or an interview,” I was saying in a quiet voice, watching his smile change with everything I said, “you’ll be able to introduce me to all of the bands you like to be around.”