Carl Grimes Imagines

Happiness (3): Breathe

The cabin was small and definitely old, but it was far enough away from the others so you wouldn't be found. It was cozy although you weren't focused on that. You needed to lie down—your contractions were stronger and more frequent than before. Your back needed a break as well.

Almost as soon as the walker-check was done, you found your way to the bedroom without a word to Carl and rested your back against the mattress. The bed and room seemed untouched before you entered.

You breathed out a sigh of relief and closed your eyes. Things were starting to get more serious—soon enough, you'd be having to pop out a baby without medication or a doctor. The more you thought about the process, the more worried you felt. What if something goes wrong? What if something happens to the baby? You wished there was something to do about the issues, but there was nothing to be done. That seemed to scare you the most.

"Are you alright? How bad are your contractions?" Carl asked hurriedly as he entered the bedroom. You looked at him as he came to your bedside.

"They're more intense than earlier and about five minutes apart," you responded. He nodded and looked around, eventually pulling up a chair to sit down. There was silence for a few minutes after, the two of you just thinking in the same space.

Once again, you started to worry. If Carl really didn't know what he was doing, who's to say you'll be the one with the directions? Back then there were treatments for the pain, but you didn't have any of that. What if you passed out? Was that even possible?

"Carl," you started, panic starting to creep it's way into your voice as you looked at him with wide eyes. "I don't think I can do this. I can't do this. There's so many things that could go wrong. I mean, I know what to do, but I don't think I can actually do it. Knowing it is one thing, but applying it?" you shook your head and moved yourself to sit up. "I mean, do you even know how to deliver? I'm not going to able to tell you what to do the entire time because I'm going to have to deal with all this pain and I know you probably didn't have time to learn about this back in Alexandria, but maybe—"

"(Y/N)," Carl interrupted, taking your hand in his. You looked to him fearfully and you could see he was trying to hide hide his nervousness for you. "I'm going to be here. I'll make sure nothing happens to you. I promise."

You looked away, still unsure. How could he say he was here for you now, but be avoiding you just a week ago? What made now so different? You took your hand out of his and looked back at him with confusion and anger. You could feel it in your heart and chest--the abandonment that you'd been feeling and pushing away in protest that he'd come back to you. You knew what he did wasn't right. It wasn't just you he'd pushed out, but also the baby. There were times when you had lied awake at night, wondering if it was your fault he was ignoring you, and now he goes and says this? "Where was that two weeks ago? Yesterday, even?" You snapped. "You're being all nice to me now, but what changed? Where have you been, Carl?" you hissed.

He seemed surprised, which made you even more angry. "Forget it," you said, lying back down on the bed, glaring at the ceiling. "Just don't pretend to care about me if you really don't anymore." saying the words hurt like a knife to the heart. You didn't know why, but you began to remember back one morning when the baby's kicking in your stomach woke you up a couple weeks ago. He'd been there the first time it kicked, but you were disappointed to find Carl not there next to you to feel it then. The space was empty and you had wondered if he even slept there that night. Tears now swelled in your eyes as you faced the one question that you refused to ask yourself for the past few weeks: did he still love you?

"(Y/N)..." Carl started quietly. You tightened your jaw and refused to look at him. There was too much hurt in his voice to not show up on his face and you didn't know if you were ready to see that. "Do you not think I love you anymore?"

There was a lump in your throat that threatened your tears to fall. If you spoke, you knew what would happen, but you did so anyway. You took in a shaky breath, then, "You tell me." you turned your head to the opposite direction as the tears escaped. You tried to wipe them away, feeling embarrassed that you were crying in the first place.

You breathed in as another contraction began, by far one of your strongest ones. "No, don't cry..." Carl whispered. You felt a dip in the bed and knew that he sat down next to you. He brushed away a few strands of hair and put a hand against the side of your face. You remembered how he would use to do this and you always loved it. When you first told him you were pregnant, he did the same thing and looked you right in the eyes. You remember how loving they were, looking at you in adoration. Now you closed your eyes as you let him wipe away the tears that continued to fall. "(Y/N), I still love you. I love you so much."

Your heart ached at his words as you hoped they were true. You sat up and took his hand away, but still held it in both of yours. He looked at you sadly and you could see the hurt in his eyes, making you want to do anything for him to be happy again. You didn't though, no matter how badly you wanted to. "But why were you avoiding me?" you asked through the pain you were going through. You didn't know which pain was worse: the pain in your abdomen or the pain in your heart. "I needed you just as much as I do now."

You searched his eyes for an answer, but he looked away. "I know I shouldn't have and I'm sorry," he confessed, shaking his head. You couldn't help but feel the sorrow with him. "I was just afraid." he paused. "You know my mom died when she had Judith and I could hardly deal with it after. I didn't want the same thing to happen to you." he moved closer to you and said, "I love you, (Y/N). I married you because of that. If something happens to you like it did my mom, I don't think I'll be able to get through it this time."

You felt your heart drop, remembering how he once told you about his mom's death long ago when you just started dating. It was a wound you knew did not easily heal over and you realized that having a baby probably reopened it. Although that wasn't an excuse, you knew why he acted the way he did. No, it wasn't right, but you were glad he told you.

There were tears in his eyes when he spoke to you and you knew it wasn't just you that you had to be strong for--it was Carl, too. He was just as worried as you were. "Carl," you whispered gently. He looked back to you and you scooted closer to him so your faces were inches apart. "Whatever happens, happens. But we are both going to get through this and make sure the baby is going to be cared for, no matter what. I love you," you said, "and I always will." you leaned forward and kissed him. It was the first time in a while that you felt his soft lips against yours and you loved it. You missed it--you missed him. He kissed you back and you felt like crying. After all those days without his arms around you, without his smile that always made your heart leap, his vibrant blue eyes that could be so intense, or his kisses (especially his kisses) that you could never get enough of, he was finally with you again.

The kiss deepened, your mouth moving with his as he rested one hand on your thigh and another on your waist. It was as if you were making up for all the time lost, for all the times you yearned for these moments in the past few weeks.

But then another contraction began and you quickly pulled away, pressing your hands on your stomach as the pain erupted. You closed your eyes tightly shut and gritted your teeth, feeling as if your insides were being torn. You knew it was only your muscles working themselves, but that didn't lessen the pain one bit.

"Are you okay? What do you need me to do?" Carl asked quickly. You took in a few deep breaths and grimaced. If the contractions felt so bad, how much worse would giving birth be?

You tried to smile a little when you replied, "I need you to be my doctor and help get this baby out of me." 

--

I know it's not my best imagine (and yes I know how long this took), but I hoped you all liked at least some of it. 

Also, for those of you who might point out plot holes, I realize that there are other stages of labor that I didn't mention and that this may not be quite accurate, but I didn't think anyone wanted to read in detail about it, so I left those parts out. 

Comment what you thought about it, I'd really like to know! 

~ The Author