Carl Grimes Imagines

Imagine : What You Gave Me

If you go back a little, you can go look at The Fanfiction Awards chapter and quickly find the book! Once again, I would appreciate the vote!

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE END**

--

Dear Carl,

I hope you're reading this, Carl. Or else it's just a waste of paper.

I want to be quick and get to the point, but I can't. There's too many things to say. I know you want to know where I went, but I just need to let a few things out.

Do you remember that time we found that beat up Polaroid at the prison? It had just enough ink for a few small pictures. I didn't know what to do with it at first, so I just took a picture of you. My best friend. You were staring at the grey sky as the clouds started swarming in, and even though the sky was dark, the atmosphere spongy, it was beautiful. You were beautiful.

I never told you about it (I just lied and told you in was the sky--technically not a lie) but I always looked at it when I thought the world couldn't get any worse. When I thought there was no hope anymore--nobody left to save, nobody left to love, you made me feel better... Well, you didn't know it though. Every time I looked at that crumpled, watered down picture, it reminded me what I was fighting for. You.

I fell in love with you, Carl Grimes. And it hurt. I scraped my palms falling for you, falling so in love that I just eventually fell through the pavement Love shoved me into. I went into a place where you were all I could think about, you were all the ache I felt in my heart. It was painful, but damn, it was worth it. I never told you, but maybe if I did, we could have been something more. Something more than best friends. Maybe if I had mustered up enough courage before, I might not have even been writing this letter to you.

I know that you're probably going to go looking for me, but don't. Don't you dare leave these walls like I am. You won't be able to find me, I'll be lost on my own. But I'll be fine, I've been alone for so much longer.

I left because I couldn't stand it--I couldn't stand that this place was just given to us. Why did we have to be saved? We did nothing to deserve this. I didn't belong, and I still don't. So I'm going to leave. I'll leave with a knife in my hand and hurt in my heart. If there was anything I would miss, it would be you.

I'll miss your blue eyes. I've lost myself too many times to count in those--they're hurricanes that just suck me in.  I'll miss the times when it's just us and we get to forget, for just a couple moments with a song of laughter, that we're back where we started. To believe that we have grown up in Alexandria to the sixteen year-olds we are now. There's no apocalypse, no zombies, no duty. It's just you and me in a moment of pure bliss.

But I'll have that picture. I'll have the memories. The memories of us back at the prison, the times where I thought the feelings I had were also present in you when you held me to your chest in the bottom bunk. I loved being close to you, feeling your warmth under my fingertips, getting myself to believe that the heartbeat I heard, the chin that rested gently on my head, the hand across my hip, was actually real. Sometimes I still wonder if you feel the same way as I do. You might. You might not, but I'll never know. It would've been like that if I stayed, too. Maybe we were both just too scared.

The point is that I'm gone. I'm going away, and I'm leaving everything behind. It was a hard decision, trust me, but Alexandria is not right for me.

Think of this as a goodbye letter--or a love letter, maybe even a notice. I don't care, but I just needed you to know how I felt about you. A weight's lifted from my chest, a newer, heavier one taking its place.

I love you, Carl. It feels so good to finally tell you. I love you, I love you, I love you. It's like holding up tons of water, yourself being the dam, your secrets laced inside the liquids you hold behind you, until.. You crack. Everything's flowing out and I can't stop it. I don't want to. It's like I don't want to leave you, but I have to.

Love,
(Y/N)

--

Carl balled up the wrinkled paper once again, it having endured the anger of Carl so many times before.

He sat in the wetting dirt as tiny raindrops sprinkled onto him. But he didn't care, Carl hardly cared about anything anymore. You were gone, and that was all he could think about.

There had been a search party once Carl found the letter, and he hid it from everyone like the photograph you had, but it was hardly any use. It was the last day when they found you.

A corpse was what they found. A dead body walking on two legs, your hair tousled with dirt caking your skin, clothes tattered, and a large bite taken out of the side of your neck. You had suffered to your death, making Carl furious. You of all people didn't deserve that, you didn't deserve to die, to endure the pain and misery.

So as Carl sat in front of the freshly made grave, staring at the wooden cross above where your head should be, he cried. He cried for you, for the letter you had written him, for the memories that you reminded him of. He loved you, he loved you so much, but he thought himself a fool to only have the courage to say it to your grave. When it was too late.

You were dead. There was nothing that could be done to save you, nothing that would bring you back because you would never come back. The realization only made him cry harder, his hands putting up a useless fight to stop the tears mixing with the rain coming from above him.

Carl knew you would never be able to hear the words burning inside of him, he knew he would never be able to hold you in his arms again, or to laugh with you on rough days. He wished he could have cherished the times you had together more, to not have been a coward so many times before when he thought about telling you how he felt. I could have prevented this, he thought bitterly. He hated himself for all the things he didn't do, hating himself for not telling you sooner.

Carl had his head buried in his hands, sobbing harder as the rained gained speed, soaking his shirt and pants. Even the sky missed you, it's own tears a sign of sorrow.

He leaned into his back, the water hitting down into his face. Carl couldn't breathe, his chest tightening as the thunder rumbled above him, the crack of lightening even louder. He appreciated the courtesy the sky gave him; it was shelter to hide his sobbing screams from anyone who could have heard him.

Carl loved you, but he missed you even more. He hated the memories clouding his mind, flashing like a movie that won't stop; the smile on your lips (lips that he never got to feel against his own), your laugh, the way your eyes sparkled whenever he was around.

He had lost so many people he loved, but the one person he wasn't ready to lose was you.

--

1,318 words... Probably the shortest one yet!

This really is an important authors note, so please continue reading what I have to say (I'll make it quick).

Do you think these imagines are better shorter (like this) or longer (like the other ones)? I would like to know what you think! If you could, please comment your response; it's really important to me. Thank you!

~The Author