Diana (Niall Horan Fanfic)

Chapter Eleven

Niall's POV 

~Three Hours since Diana left him~ 

It had been three hours. Three fucking hours since she left. "She'll come back. I know Diana." Sarah said. "She still loves you." Sarah said. If she really loved me, surely she'd be back already. Right? 

I sat on the sofa with my head buried in my hands. It was my fault any of this happened. Maybe on that day I met her three weeks ago I should have just let her leave. Maybe I shouldn't have gone after her. Maybe this was meant to happen though. Maybe I was trying to be told something obvious but was completely oblivious to me. 

As the thoughts surrounded my clouded brain I silently cried into my hands. Something broke my gaze from my hands and stole my eyes to stare at the door. Because there he stood. There Dylan was stood and he looked like he had been crying. "What happened to her?" I asked, starting to panic. "She's gone." He said. "Did it never occur to you that she has tried to kill herself in the past?!" Sarah screamed. "I knew. I didn't stop her. She didn't want me to." He cried. "When you say 'she's gone', what do you exactly mean?" I asked. Shakily he brought a hand from behind his back and held up a letter. He handed it to me. 

It said: 

Niall, 

I know you never deliberately tried to break my heart. However, trying to or not you succeeded in doing just that. I know I'm not as stable as most seventeen year olds but I am stable enough to make my own decisions in life and choose what path I take, leading to a future or not. I'm not writing this letter to make you feel more bad about yourself than you already do. You have to understand that there is a huge possibility I will not return to you, Dylan or Sarah for that matter. 

I can't physically say any of this to you because it would cause me even more heartbreak. I do still love you Niall Horan. But this is the main reason why I can't stay here, there. Whatever. I just can't. They say those who seek will find, but I'm not seeking for anything in particular. Just somebody to love, someone who will give me a reason to live. Someone who will take me to visit my mothers grave other than go visit me lying next to her. 

Everybody deserves true love in this cruel cruel world. You deserve true love in this cruel cruel world. 

I'm on a rollercoster that only spirals down and I've been stuck on this rollercoster my whole life. I do intend to get off it's just a matter of how I get off. 

Ni, I will never forget you nor the boys. You gave me forever in only four days and for that I cannot thank you enough. You made me smile everyday for four days and for that I cannot thank you enough. My little infinity called 'life' is nearly over Niall. You know I'm ill and when you said I was anorexic you were right. I am but I hide it. I eat but no weight is put on. I am dying Ni. I know it. That is why I have tried to take my useless life away on several occasions. I never succeeded and I don't know why. That's what hurts the most. Knowing that I tried to do something simple for myself but I still didn't succeed in that. I don't succeed in anything. I can't succeed in anything. I've tried to get along with life but we don't mix. We're not compatible. Kind of like fire and ice. By the time you receive this letter I'll either be on a plane to some stupid destination or I won't be here. It's truly simple now. 

I know that by now this letter is dragging on but it will continue to go on because I have so much to tell you. You changed me. You made me happy. In the four days I was with you I realised what it's like to be actually loved by someone. After ten years I didn't feel I was worthless. I felt brave, like I could conquer anything. That courage came from you and you should be proud Niall. I told Dylan I only had one fear - Heartbreak - and it's true. That is one of my fears, my main fear is loss. But to be brutally honest with you only I have a fear of everything. Love, loss, heartbreak, death and so much more. 

I know it's hard to lose someone; one minute they're there and the next they've completely slipped from your grasp. 

Ni, I'm scared of dying. It's gonna happen soon though. It's like being diagnosed with stage five cancer - there's nothing you can do anymore, you just have to live with the pain which is now called your 'life'. Who wants that? Not me. But it's happening and it's so real. 

I needed help years ago but I never got it. Now it's all grown to the point where I can't take anymore and there is no point anymore. Apparently people are like glow-sticks as they have to break before they shine but not me. No. I have just broke and there is absolutely no mend anymore. I cannot be mended. I am unfix-able. I am not even like a star, they shine and then they break but not me. I haven't shined once in my broken life. Okay, well maybe that's a lie, I shined until I was three but I can't compare three years of my life shining to fourteen years of my life breaking. What ratio is that? I don't know because I'm no good at maths. Ask Sarah and she'll say the same thing. 

I don't know how to conclude this goodbye Ni. 

I guess I could start by saying I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you, for writing such a long and painful letter, sorry for not staying longer. But most of all, I'm sorry for letting you think I was okay when really all this time I've been dying. It's not like cancer or anything. It's all the stress, anxiety, fear. It's all eating me alive and there isn't much left of me now. 

I also have to say goodbye. So bye Niall. I love you so much. Will all my heart. Forever and always. Right till the end of time. I promise I will always love you. Even from above. I will watch over you even if I'm millions of miles away. When you love someone you can't let go. You won't let go because letting go means giving up and I'm not giving up Ni. I'm not giving up. I'm just being dragged away from you and it's cruel. 

Bye Ni, 

I love you. 

Yours truly, Forever and always, Till the end of time, 

Diana Louise Clark. 

P.S. Goodbye isn't forever unless you want it to be that long. 

Bye. 

By the end of reading her letter I was in floods of tears. What was air anymore? Surely I didn't need it anymore though. My princess. My Diana. My girl was gone. Just like that she was gone. And like she said there was a huge possibility she wouldn't be returning. 

The rest of the boys along with Danielle and Eleanor ran into the room. "What happened?!" Louis demanded an answer. "She's gone!" I screamed. I thrust the letter towards the group before bolting out the door. 

I ran down the streets. Not bothering to turn back. There was no point. I would only be told; "she's okay" or "she's coming back" or "don't beat yourself up about this." 

There was just no point anymore...

A/N: Okay, so this letter is just something I decided to write and the chapter is based about it. I decided to post this chapter today because it flows nicely with chapter 10. :) 

Well hope you liked it! Let me know if the letter made you cry!! It cried whilst writing it! :( x 

Byee! :) x ~Aaleigha 

VOTE AND COMMENT!!

ALSO IT WOULD MEAN SO MUCH IF YOU SHARED THIS STORY WITH YOUR FRIENDS; SO ON TWITTER, FACEBOOK, WATTPAD, INSTAGRAM. E.T.C 

ALSO FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER: @Aaleigha_H

FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM: AALEIGHAPAYNE 

Gif on the side is Niall sad>>>>>>>> :( x