him & I | gd

fresh start

Alexis's point of view

A new day, a new start am I right?

I woke up and stretched out both my arms, sun shining through the cracks between my curtains on my wide glass windows.

It was a beautiful day today. Kinda perfect for someone who's looking to start over again. Kinda perfect for me.

I dropped my legs onto my polished wooden floor and stood up. I walked over to my window and opened it fully.

Inhaling the fresh air that was let in, I took a look at the view beneath me. My apartment was quite high up and the view was amazing.

There's so many things in life to look forward to and somehow the smallest of things can bring us down. They shouldn't matter. We shouldn't allow them to consume our mind and distract it from all the beautiful thoughts we can have.

I turned around and walked over to the bathroom. I took off my clothes which were barely any since it was so hot last night.

I turned on the shower to warm water and stepped inside. As the water hit my back it relieved a bit of stress. It felt great.

I know that it will be hard to get over the entire Grayson situation. I won't be over him in the blink of an eye obviously and I needed to accept that fact. I trusted him and he let me down.

He let me down fucking hard and after that I know I'll have big problems trusting guys again. But it's okay.

I've learnt and I'm now working on moving forward. Deep down I know damn right that if he even sends me a text saying "hi" I'll want him again. I know I'll go running after him again.

If I ever see him in person, I know I'll break down.

I have a feeling I loved him.
I feel like I'm refusing to admit that I loved him because it makes me feel weaker.

But that's what I'm working on.

Not depending heavily on others and becoming stronger as an individual. I need to be strong.

So far so good.

I got ready after that for my photoshoot and I wore a black hoodie with white jeans and my classic black vans and headed out the door. Today's location was a certain balcony.

I arrived at my location to see my crew already set up for the shoot. I quickly ran over to them considering I was already running a bit late.

We started shooting and I felt happy. Modeling always made me feel happy. Like I said, it's a great distraction.

We eventually got the perfect photo.

After that I headed home and relaxed with my sister. It had been a while and I needed to catch up with her. I know she needs me as much as I need her.

Especially considering the situation with our mom passing away.

I know I'm going to miss my mom. A lot.
But I have to learn to look past it and eventually I'll get through it.

"I love you mom" I said to myself knowing my mom couldn't hear me.
________________________________

Grayson's point of view

I couldn't get her off my mind. Not a single minute went by without me thinking about her.

It was completely consuming me and truthfully I wanted it to stop. I was actually going crazy thinking about how there were so many ways our relationship could've worked.

I remembered back to the days where I used to look at her pictures from behind a screen and wish I would have a chance to be with her. But now that I did, I completely ruined it.

I fucked it up.
I didn't respect her.

I decided to push these thoughts out of my mind.

Or at least try to.

I threw on a tank top and some shorts and headed to the warehouse to work out. Box.

It was a good distraction but unfortunately not for long enough. I worked out for around an hour and headed back to my apartment.

Today Ethan and I needed to film so we quickly got at that.

There's no doubt I looked awfully off in the video.
Nothing was working out. Everything seemed...

Bad?

I took a deep breath.
Many deep breaths.

I picked up my phone and checked the time.

8:36 pm

"Ethan, I'm going out for a walk" I yelled across the apartment not really caring for him to answer.

I went out the door and took a walk. Reflecting my life choices.

How bad I messed up. She really was the one for me.

Im still so in love with her and if I got the chance I want her back. Even though I don't deserve her attention and affection anymore.

I came to the conclusion that I wanted her back. It seems selfish of me, yes.

But I can't help it. I love her. I love her so much and I'll never stop.

I'm going to get her back, and I won't stop until I do.

And when I do, I'll make sure to do it right this time. I'll make sure I do it better.

In the mean time I'm going to work on becoming a better person.
Changing myself for the better.

I'm going to start fresh.
A great way to do that is to go surfing.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm going to go surf. It makes me happy and it'll relax my mind a bit.

Hopefully.

But I know, that it'll be hard to win her over again. Really fucking hard. It may even take me years.

But I won't stop.
I'll never stop.

I'll never stop loving her.