•Bittersweet (Ryan Sitkowski)• COMPLETED

Drain This Disease { 17 }

Jessica

Chewing on my bottom lip, I pick at the food on my plate. A grimace came to my face. The mere thought of eating the simple asparagus and chicken with a hollandaise sauce made me sick to my stomach.

Sinking down in my seat, I look around at all the people in our small dinning room, having a 'family' dinner. Everyone from Ricky's band and a few of our friends were over. Chris and Angelo were in the kitchen getting food while Ricky talked to Tj and Balz. I couldn't see the new kids but I knew Vinny and Devin -who I had taken to calling Ghosty Boy- were around somewhere. Tonight was the first night I actually got to meet them but they seemed pretty cool even if they were a bit shy. Ryan and Alex sit at the table with me, talking and laughing about.

I look at Alex. She was so pretty. I could see everything in her that drew Ryan to love her. She had perfect straight pink and purple violet hair that she had recently dyed again and gotten rid of her fringe. She now had a tattoo of a pixie resting on a flower on her shoulder next to her collarbone. Her eyes were a stunning blue that fit her face amazingly. Even though she was a tad bit short, she had the perfect body weight. She wasn't too skinny nor anything else.

On top of all that, ever since Ryan moved in, she had matured so much and came out of her shell. No longer was she a shy, anxiety ridden girl that she used to be. It seemed like we had switched places to be honest.

Glancing down at my own self, I frown at the tank top that was once skin tight but was now loose on my small frame. Shivering, I pull the blanket I had on my lap over my bare shoulders. Everything about me just looked sickly. My weight dropped drastically, my eyes were slightly sunken in and dull, and my skin was dry and sickly pale.

I would cough all day long. I would go from being burning hot to freezing cold to shivering yet sweating. Hell, even breathing would cause me pain. Not to add that I would be lucky if I wasn't asleep from more than half the day.

Everything was just getting worse. Ricky kept trying to prod me into going to the doctor earlier than my scheduled appointment but I refused. If I didn't go, then it wasn't real. If I didn't say it, then it didn't exist.

Feeling sick with my train of thoughts, I stood up and start to head towards the bathroom. My stomach was rolling and I knew what was to come. Stumbling, I make my way to the bathroom and open the door. Almost instantly, I shut it and slid down the wooden surface to the cool relaxing ground. I close my eyes and focus on my breathing.

The permanent sorrowful look I had taken up made its way back to my face after trying so hard to hide it from everyone all night long. A thin, pale hand flutters up and rubs at the pain that has now became my one constant companion.

Shakily, I push myself up off of the ground and stare into the bathroom mirror after bracing myself on the sink. A tear slowly falls down my face as I look at the hollow person I have came to be.

There was nothing exciting or bright about me anymore. Everything just seemed drained. This disease has drained me. Layers of makeup cover my face to hide the weak girl behind it. Not only did the disease take away my health, it also took my personality with it. The outgoing girl became an introverted person. I rarely talk to anyone anymore. It's killing me slowly. Every bit of my sanity is slipping but I refuse to tell any of them.

They don't need to know. That was that.

Wiping away the tear that fell, I take a deep breath and splash some water on my face to try to calm myself and lower my body temperature which seemed to have rose with my outburst of sadness.
I take one last look in the mirror, shake my head and walk out. The less I looked at myself, the better.

Not bothering to look up, I go to make my way back to the dinning room only for someone to grab my arm.

"What's wrong with you? What are you hiding?" Someone demands.

Looking up, I see Ryan towering over me with a slightly angered expression.

"Nothing," I murmur, gently pulling on my arm to get it out of his hand. His grasp only tightens.

"You're lying." He looks me over, as if for the first time in a long time and something comes over his face. The angered expression leaves but what it is replaced with, I can't tell. "There's something wrong with you. Now what is it?" He said harshly.

I glare at him. "It's nothing. And even if it was something, don't fucking act like you give a shit. Alex isn't here right now, we don't have to pretend to be friends, asshole," I hiss, yanking my arm away from him, forcefully. I hide the whimper of pain that came with the sudden, harsh movement.

Twirling on the ball of my foot, I stomp away back into the dinning room where my plate was. Sitting down, I pick up my fork and stab at a piece of asparagus. Lifting the piece of food to my mouth, I notice Ryan come and sit down beside Alex, only briefly pausing to kiss the top of her head before settling down into his seat. Almost automatically, he grabs her hand and holds it onto of the table. A smile of his face.

He confused me. Why did he question me like that? He doesn't give two shits about me. He doesn't care about me at all. All I am to him is a little hatefuck of the past.

He doesn't care about me.
Does he?