•Bittersweet (Ryan Sitkowski)• COMPLETED

Break This Heart { 23 }

Jessica

Everything hurt. All I could feel was pain and a burning sensation that encompassed my whole body. Groaning, I try to open my eyes but realize that I can't. All I see is the grey and blackness that comes when you close your eyes.

I attempt to move my fingers but still I can't. My body's frozen. What's going on? I could feel my heart racing as I notice something is lodged in my throat. A beeping noise from somewhere around me starts to increase.

"Sirs, you need to leave. She's in distress and we have to give her her medication." Someone says.

A response is mumbled but I can't hear it. All I hear is some footsteps and a door closing.

"Hello, Ms. Jessica." The same person from before murmurs before I hear some rattling noise and a slight hissing noise. From there on, I find myself slipping back into the void of sleep.

***a couple of days later***

"The doctors say she should be waking up sometime soon," a familiar voice says.

"Ricky," someone sighs. Ricky? Where is Ricky? "The crash was so bad. She's been in a coma for two days now and she hasn't healed much. I know it's too soon to start suspecting the worse but I can't help but think that way."

Coma? Crash? What crash?What coma?
Wait.
It all starts to come back. Ryan getting in my car. Us arguing. Me taking my focus off the road. The truck coming towards us.
It all came back.
Oh my god.
Ryan.

What happened to Ryan?

"Alex, you can't think that way. You forget how strong she is. I mean, look at how she was dealing with everything on her own! I know the doctor told you what--"

"Shut up, Ricky." Alex snaps harshly. "I don't even want to think about that right now. She hid that from me. We're best friends. Sisters practically yet she couldn't tell me something as big as that? Hell, she didn't even tell me about her past with Ryan!"

Oh shit. "Alex-"

"Whatever, Ricky. I'm not mad about it. It's in the past. I still love her; she's my best friend but I'm just a tad bit sad she hid it." A sigh is let out right as a knock comes to the door.

"Come in," Ricky calls.

Confusion hits me. Who else could be coming to see me. The doctor, maybe?

"I'm here," a hoarse voice says.

"Good. Can you watch her? Al and I need to go home and take some showers and shit."

"Yeah, man. Get some rest the both of you really need it."

"Alrighty. Cool. Thanks. Bye, Ry."

Ry? As in Ryan?

The door closes again and I feel something shift to the left of me. The chair over there being moved.

"Sooo..." the person starts. "I don't know if this is true or not, but I heard that when people are in a coma, that they can still hear you. I don't know if you can hear me or not. Hopefully not, but I'm still going to talk."

?

The person sighs. "Look, Jessica. I'm... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. From the other day all the way back to high school."

My heart stops for a moment. This is definitely Ryan. He's alive. Ryan's alive. Thank god.

"I honestly have no true reason as to why I was such an ass to you but I am sorry. I never stopped to think about how much it would affect you in the long run. Even when I moved in with you, I was still an ass and a jerk. I did everything I could to piss you off. But it wasn't until I overheard you and Ricky that night and I heard you crying into his chest, that I realized something was up. Something was wrong with you and I didn't know what but I wanted to know. I wanted to know what was killing you, draining you. You looked more and more dead with each day that passed."

He pauses and I furrow my mental eyes brow seeing as I couldn't do it physically. He had heard me crying to Ricky that night?

"That night at the dinner after you shut me down, I was pissed. In my head, I only wanted to know so I could Protect Alex from whatever secret you were hiding since you didn't tell her. But when you had returned, I started to notice how I was paying more attention to all the small things about you and that you do. Stuff I didn't even notice about my own girlfriend. It shook me.
I was remembering things that you used to do back when we were dating in high school. I didn't like that. That's why I ignored you all the following week. I didn't like that there was a small piece of me that might actually have cared about you, even through all the bullshit."

My heart is racing, I think. If I could cry, I'm sure I would.

"Then on Monday. I don't know what came over me, I heard you get ready and then I watched you leave. Or at least, try to. One minute, I was in my room trying to figure how to get you how to tell the truth and what was going on. Then the next, I was in your car and we were driving down the street. And, and-" his voice cracks and my heart drops.

"And then we were arguing. I called you a self absorbed bitch when you are anything but that. If anyone is one, I am. I was so angry that you wouldn't tell me. I just wanted to know because at that point, I didn't even really care that I was supposably doing it for Alex. That's what I told my mind but in my heart, I kept pressing because I wanted to save you. I wanted to know how I could help you. I wanted to be your hero. Not Ricky. I didn't even realize it but I was jealous of Ricky. I didn't like that he had you when I didn't. I refused to admit that to myself. I didn't even noticed it until I somehow got the idea in my head that you were pregnant and he was the father. Every time I saw him, I wanted to punch his teeth down his throats and he was my best friend."

Ryan gives a shaky laugh. "The relief I felt when you told me that you weren't pregnant was unbelievable. You have no clue how I felt in that moment. But then... that's when the truck came."

Silence falls.

"If only I hadn't distracted you," he cries out.

My heart trembles as he starts sobbing beside me.

"If I hadn't distract you. If I hadn't been yelling at you, then none of this would be happening. You wouldn't be in the hospital, in a coma. God, I'm so so sorry, Jessica. I'm so so sorry."

It's not your fault, I want to say.
If only I had told you, then we wouldn't be here in the first place.

I want to explain to him. I want to apologize to him. I want to hold him as he cries but I can't.

I can't.