Determined to Endure: The 4th Installment in my Daryl Dixon Love Story

Chapter 6: No Choices Left

When we get back to Alexandria, Rick calls a meeting at the church that he wants everyone not on watch to attend. He explains, "Maggie hammered out a deal. We're getting food-- eggs, butter, fresh vegetables. But they're not just giving it away. These Saviors, they almost killed Sasha, Daryl, Sadie-Mae and Abraham on the road. Now, sooner or later, they would've found us, just like those Wolves did, just like Jesus did." He pauses only for a moment as he lets his words sink in, "they woulda killed someone or some of us. And then they would try to own us. And we would try to stop them. But by then, in that kind of fight, low on food, we could lose. This is the only way to be sure, as sure as we can get, that we win. And we have to win. We do this for the Hilltop, it's how we keep this place. It's how we feed this place." When he's done explaining, he opens it up to everyone, "this needs to be a group decision. If anybody objects, here's your chance to say your piece."

Although I feel uncomfortable with what he has planned, I don't totally object against it. Everyone sits still, until movement in a back pew grabs our attention. I turn around and see Morgan standing up, "you're sure we can do it? We can beat them?"

Rick answers, with confidence, "what this group has done, what we've learned, what we've become, all of us-- yes, I'm sure."

Morgan replies "then all we have to do is just tell them that."

"Well, they don't compromise." Rick responds.

"This isn't a compromise. It's a choice you give them. It's a way out, for them and for us." Morgan protests his answers, not wanting to fight.

Rick shakes his head, "we try and talk to the Saviors, we give up our advantage, our safety. No, we have to come for them before they come for us. We can't leave them alive."

Morgan firmly states, "where there's life, there's possibility."

Rick adds on to it, "of them hitting us,"

Morgan still argue's, wanting to go about this differently, "we're not trapped in this. None of you are trapped in this." He pleads to everyone, but it more specifically feels like it's directed at me. Maybe because I'm second guessing this, or maybe because he glanced at me when he said it.

Rick responds, "Morgan, they always come back."

"Come back when they're dead, too." Morgan adds on.

Rick responds, "yeah, we'll stop them. We have before."

Morgan than catches my attention even more when he says, "I'm not talking about the walkers."

Rick then opens it back up to everyone again stating, "Morgan wants to talk to them first. I think that would be a mistake, but it's not up to me. I'll talk to the people still at home. I'll discuss it with the people on guard now, too, but who else wants to approach the Saviors, talk to them first?"

I still stay seated, truly not sure what I feel would be the best option. Aaron stands up, looks to Morgan and says, "what happened here, we won't let that happen. I won't." He refers to when the people with W's attacked us.

Morgan just nods, knowing he lost his battle, "looks like it's settled" Rick says to us all, "we know exactly what this is. We don't shy from it, we live. We kill them all." He begins to walk out of the church as he says, "we don't all have to kill. But if people are gonna stay here, they do have to accept it."

Everyone sits in silence for a few minutes before they start to whisper to one another and leave to return to the normally scheduled day. Daryl eventually stands and when I don't, he turns and asks, "yew comin'?"

"Yea, just a minute." I say to him, seeing Morgan still standing in the pew. After everyone leaves, I walk over to him and ask, "you said everyone comes back when they're dead. What did you mean by that?" He doesn't answer me, just looks at me as if he's trying to read me. I say again, "you weren't referring to the walkers, so what did you mean?"

"I just meant everybody comes back, to haunt us." He tries to say it casually.

I barely nod back to him, knowing there is more he wants to say but is holding back. I exhale and decide to tell him, "yanno, I sometimes see my sister. Not in a dream, I mean either." This gets his attention as I see his eyes adjust. He connected to what I said so I decide to continue "I uhh, I haven't seen her in a long time. It's usually when things are bad, like real bad, but I think I know what you're saying. That everybody comes back."

"We shouldn't be fighting these people." He tells me.

I one shoulder shrug, "what if they come to us, what if they fight us?"

"They haven't. We shouldn't be living in the what if's." He replies.

I tell him, "that's all we can live in. We have to be prepared Morgan. We can't take risks, not anymore."

He nods and asks, "who else do you see?"

"What?" I ask him, not expecting that question.

He asks again, "who else do you see, or is it just your sister?"

"Its just been her." I answer honestly.

His lips pull into the smallest of smiles, "then you're lucky. Then you haven't been damaged of this world as I have." And with that, he turns and leaves me standing alone in the church.

I meet Daryl in our room, and when I walk in he stops sharpening his knife and says, "yew know what we're doin when we go out there, right?" I nod, knowing we are going in to kill people, "and yer okay with it?"

"I don't really get the chance to be okay with it or not, it's happening." I respond, knowing nothing I say will change what's going to happen tomorrow. He says, "well, that guys gonna tell us about the post so you should be there too."

"Alright" I nod, and the two of us just sit awkwardly next to one another. I eventually can't take it anymore and leave the bedroom to take a shower.