Determined to Endure: The 4th Installment in my Daryl Dixon Love Story

Chapter 7: Not as Planned

We roll out before sunrise the next day in groups. When we stop, Rick starts off right away with direction. We all go off in pairs, scouting and looking for a walker that could pass for Gregory. Rick sends Daryl off alone, and he tells me to come with him, "there's no turning back Sadie, you ready for this?" He asks me as we look at the three walkers we just took down.

I answer, "I'll do what I have to do Rick. I've come along way from when we started, you know that. I'll be okay." I try and sound assuring.

"You'll be okay." He returns, then shaking his head, "none of these will work." We stay out a bit longer but come back in at the time he told everyone to meet back up at. He tells us how it's going to go, "we're gonna take a look around, try to get a feel for how many people are in there. We like how it looks, we go in. A couple of hours before dawn. The guards outside'll be tired. Everyone inside'll be sleeping. We don't like what we see, we head back, make a new plan. They don't know who we are. We'll keep Jesus in the shadows. This is how we eat." He looks at everyone, and repeats it, "this is how we eat. We roll out at midnight." He moves to walk away and he stops and says to me in a low voice, "I want you on perimeter with Maggie."

"What?" I ask, shocked and kind of pissed he just sprung that on me, "Rick, I-"

He shuts me down, "I'm not asking Sadie, you're on perimeter."

I just stare at him with a scowl as he walks away. Carol starts to talk with him and I sulk away to find Daryl, "Rick put me on perimeter, fuckin' asshole." I kick up some of the dirt around him.

Daryl looks at me over his shoulder and replies, "thas good"

"What do you mean, that's good? He's taking me out. You need everyone you can inside and he's making me stay behind on perimeter." I argue harshly.

He sighs, stops what he is doing and turns to face me, "Sadie" He says, and I know he's going to say something I don't want to hear. He never just says Sadie, "Yer not ready to go in there, to do what we have to do"

"Bullshit!" I spit back, "how could you say that?"

"Because I was wit yew when you killed yer first walker, and when ya killed yer first person in this world." He says to me, stepping closer to me, "these people, we've never seen em but we have to end em all, it's us or them and you're not ready for that."

"So you told him to put me on perimeter?" I accuse, feeling ganged up on. He just stares at me, confirming to me that it was his idea. I give him a push out of anger and walk away from him, pissed he would go behind my back instead of just talking to me. When it's time for us all to split Daryl stands across from me with the group going into the post. Rick gives everyone one more run down and we all move. Daryl and I just stare at each other, and the moment he moves his foot to turn I quickly call out to him, "be careful?" In a loud but low whisper.

He returns lowly, "always" and turns away.

I utter out, "love you" and he winks to me, telling me he loves me back as he does when he's around people. I try to tell myself I'm okay with staying behind, but I'm still pissed off at him and Rick. A part of me is relieved I don't have to go in there, but there's more of me that is scared because I won't be with Daryl, knowing if he's okay or not. Maggie, Carol and I all wait at the truck outside the outpost. We wait, and watch as things start to unfold. One of the men goes inside, and the three of us whisper what we think is going on. We wait as everyone piles inside, and my heart races faster than it ever has before. I don't even know how much time has passed but an alarm begins to blare and I know that is not part of the plan., "they're in trouble!" I call out, going to move in and help, "stay here." I say to Maggie as I push past her.

"I'm going with you." Maggie argues.

"No, stay here." Carol stops her, grabbing her arm.

"No." Maggie fights her and I wait impatiently for one, both, or neither of them to follow me.