Determined to Endure: The 4th Installment in my Daryl Dixon Love Story

Chapter 20: Advice

Three days later and I am no closer to learning anything about Daryl or his whereabouts. I'm never left alone long enough to go off and look for him. I'm thinking of him every second that I'm in this miserable place. Negan has me eat dinner with him every night and I do my best to act as if I'm coming around to him. That fourth night, he tells me more about his expectations of me if I were to agree to be his wife. He drinks more than he has any other night and I know he's a bit tipsy, "we're coming up on a week soon Sadie Baby, how are things fairing in my direction?" He sips his whiskey and asks with a sly grin.

I coyly shrug, as I sit on the couch with a glass of wine in my hand. I don't want to, but I know I'm going to have to give in and say yes at the end of the week if I can't get Daryl out, "yanno, I am starting to see what I'm assuming everyone else see's here."

"And what's that?" He asks, rubbing at his beard, closing his eyes. His feet lay on the coffee table and his head his rested back.

I tell him, "security."

He smirks, opening his one eye just a tad to look at me, "exactly. You'll need to provide me with a little assurance at some point if you want that protection to last."

I know he's referring to me accepting to be his wife but I decide to give him something then and there, to make him think I'm starting to like him. I quickly move to straddle him and push my lips onto his. He's taken a back at first, but he soon puts one of his large hands on my side and accepts the kiss, pushing my mouth open further with his tongue so he could reach mine. I let it happen for a bit longer until I can feel his penis start to tighten, "sorry" I whisper when I pull away, moving off of him as if it was a mistake. I force the bile to stay within my stomach.

"I'm not" He smiles back, "is that you confirming my proposal?"

I touch my lips, like I can't believe I just did that and return, "I don't know."

The smile stays on his lips and he brings his glass to his mouth. He finishes his glass and says, "well, I did say I'd give you a week." He stands up, and I know to do the same, "and you know I'm a man if my word." He turns to me, "now normally I'd never let a women do that and leave me hanging, but since you're not my wife yet I'll let it slide. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to take care of something large." His grin is flirty and I nod to thank him for having me. I leave, and as soon as he turns the corner to find one of his wives I put a hand on my stomach, feeling the drink and food twirl around, wanting to come out.

I walk quickly to my room and sit by the toilet. I wait to see if the throw up comes and as I do Shelly comes in the room. She asks, "make that deal with the devil?"

I look at her, trying to figure out what she meant and how to take her tone. Is she mad that I'm here? Jealous, even? Or is she trying to warn me? I answer back, "not yet."

She grabs something from a drawer and leaves me in the room. The next day, things change quickly. I hang out with the other wives in Negan's room, waiting for him to come back when Dwight comes in. He scans the room, casually stopping to say hi to Shelly but comes over to me, "come with me" he grabs me by my arm, pulling at me to follow him. He's not gripping hard but I have to move quick. I follow him, and as we walk through the halls we eventually come to the two large doors that fat Joey stopped me at. He walks me through the two doors and down the many locked closed doors of the hall. He stops in front of one, lets go of my arm and says, "stay here!" His eyes are wide, but that's not what makes me nod. He holds a pistol out at me with his left hand as his right starts to pull out a key. When the door is unlocked and creaks open he asks inside, "you sure you got nothing?" He pulls me from the side and Daryl's eyes widen large.

"Daryl?" I whisper, not able to see inside the dark box. He moves to lunge as if to attack Dwight but he pushes the pistol into my stomach which stops Daryl in his tracks. I see him better now though. He's beaten, his lips swollen and his eyes barely open, "Daryl" I whisper this time, tears stinging my eyes.

"She made the same deal I did, don't make it be for nothin!" He pushes him back with a kick of his foot and slams the door. He shoves me aside and I fall as he locks it. When he's done, he looks over to me and utters, "don't make that into somethin it wasn't. Your best shot here is as Negan's wife."

"What are you doing to him?" I ask, wiping my tears and standing up. Dwight ignores my question and pulls at my arm to drag me back out.

Instead of taking me back to Negan's room, he takes me to my room. Sherry is inside and when he walks me in, the two eye each other, "Hey" she calls out, looking at him and then down.

"Hey" He utters back, looking away, "make sure she don't do anything stupid" he snarls towards me then leaves us in the room, the door slamming behind him.

"Are you and Dwight.." I trail off, not sure how to put it. Would it be considered an affair if they were hooking up? I wonder to myself.

She shakes her head, "we uhh, we used to be married." She says, putting a piece of hair behind her ear.

"And Negan made you marry him?" I ask.

She thinks of how to answer it and explains, "it's not that simple." She explains how her and Dwight tried to run away with her sister and that they ended up coming back after she died. I figure out then that she was the girl with Dwight when he ran into Daryl in the woods when we got separated. She tells me how for punishment Negan was going to kill him but she promised Negan she'd marry him if she let him live. Negan agreed and then Dwight got an iron to his face. I have nothing to say, feeling bad for her and the shit situation Negan has her in. My sympathy stops at her though, not outstretching to Dwight. As I sit there staring she adds, "but I mean, you know what I'm talking about."

"Huh?" I ask her what she means.

"Daryl. You're married, aren't you?" She asks.

"Yeah, how'd you know?" I ask her.

She gives me a small grin, "there's no way someone would willingly be Negan's wife after he bashed in a friends head right in front of them. You agreed to be his wife so you can save Daryl. That's what I did."

I shake my head, "I..I uhhh" I mutter, no words coming to mind.

She adds on, "but there's no saving him, there's just surviving."

I argue, "no, that's not what's going to happen to us."

She sort of laughs, "Sadie, there's no way out. If you don't be his wife you'll be on the line, working for points. Trust me, you don't want that. Say yes, then when Daryl accepts it here too, you two will survive. You won't be together but you'll be alive." I just shake my head, not accepting what she's saying. Because in my heart I know I'm already dead if I can't be with Daryl.