Determined to Endure: The 4th Installment in my Daryl Dixon Love Story

Chapter 28: Going and Hiding

When we get back to the Kingdom, Daryl tells me he'll meet me at the room. Instead of going straight there, I decide to find Ezekiel, to tell him what happened. I find him, inside, reading a story to a bunch of kids. When he is done, he comes over to me and we quietly walk to another part of the room, "you've returned early, am I correct in assuming thy meeting did not end as I hoped?"

I nod and answer, "Carol. You knew it was her, you knew she was with us. Why did you send me to her?"

He looks at me, as if he's reading me but I know there's something more behind his eyes. He slowly explains, "I see similarities in the two of you. Your view on the lives of all people have come to be the same in recent time."

"I think the saviors should die, but I don't want to kill them myself. She doesn't want to kill them, doesn't want to see them die, but she would do it herself if she had to. That isn't the same." I explain out.

He smirks but answers, "but you see life here, don't you?" I think, and nod telling him he's correct, "she see's death. I know what that looks like, and I wished to help her move past that. It's no way to walk around this world seeing death everywhere you go."

"That's why she wants to be alone, so she doesn't have to see anymore death." I tell him, "or cause any more death. And I respect that. I know the burden it causes."

"You know the burden it causes when killing an innocent. There's a difference." He responds.

"Excuse me?" I spit. I don't know how the hell he figured that out but it through me for a loop. Did Daryl or Rick say something to him about my sister? Did Morgan mention something?

He calmly answers, "it's in your eyes, Sadie. Sure, we've all lost something in this world. But it's clear you lost something before, it shows in your eyes the burden you carry. Who was it that you lost?" He asks.

I scoff, beyond disgusted he could figure this all out about me from just the minor interactions we had. I try to think of the conversations we had while waking, but nothing sticks out to me. Instead of answering, I turn to walk away and snarl, "none of your damn business!"

When Daryl comes into the room sometime after midnight I'm still awake. He shuts the door and says, "we're heading to the hilltop in the morning. We ain't changing this guys mind."

I nod, agreeing with him. Hours ago, if he had said that before I talked with the King I may have disagreed. But now I want to get away from here, from him and his all knowingness. Daryl wakes me up as the sun rises and we get ready to leave. We head out to the gates and begin the journey back to the hilltop. Daryl was given a bow, and I was given a machete. We go right to the woods, knowing we need to stay hidden as the saviors are out looking for us. When we get to the hilltop, Gregory is not all thrilled to see us, "what are you doing here?"

"We're here to help" I snark at him.

He tries to disagree, "I already harbored enough of you from Alexandria. I will not keep the two escaped prisoners. If they find you, they'd kill me!"

"I'll kill you" Daryl barks back, "this ain't a discussion."

"And where you suggest I put you? I'm assuming you'd like my room, of course." He sarcastically comments.

Maggie chimes in, "they'll stay with us, there's plenty of room." Gregory stares her down, knowing he's not going to win this one. He waves his hand at all of us, signaling us to leave.

As the days go on, Daryl and I are better emotionally, but sexually there's nothing. I know it's not gone, I know he's still struggling with the fact I was somewhat intimate with Negan. There's little to no time being spent just the two of us. I help Maggie with the group of people who want to learn how to fight, breaking them into separate groups and training them. Maggie takes care of the guns, and I help with the hand weapons. We practice against the dead first, then we practice with each other. As I sit at the table with Sasha, Enid and Jesus I watch Maggie walk back in from outside. I saw her go over to give Daryl a plate of food, "everything okay?" I ask her, all of us privy to her recently wet eyes.

She half smiles, "it's fine" and places the food on the table. I know what it is though. Daryl can't stand to be around Maggie lately, and I know that he blames himself. Anytime I try to mention it though he just storms off. I try to tell him she doesn't hate him, or blame him, but it's clear that she does. I think she's struggling being around him just as much as he is being around her.

The next day, I am working with Bertie on how to maneuver a machete when the bell goes off. It signals the arrival of the saviors. I stop what I'm doing and run off, knowing I need to hide. As I run to the trailer, I see Daryl and Enid running up the hill. I change my trajectory and start to follow them. I reach them just as Maggie does and I hear the gates open. I look over my shoulder as Maggie yells, "we'll never make it!"

"Come here!" Enid runs and we follow just as they pull in. She opens the two doors to the cellar below, "hide in here, I'll make sure they don't come down. It's not the same group that came to Alexandria." She shuts the doors and the three of us walk down into the darkness.

When we get down there, Maggie instantly starts to move some shelves to get us into a corner and tucked away. I help her, and when it's ready for us to squeeze in I go in first. Daryl stays by the door, peaking out of it, "Daryl!" Maggie whispers his name. He doesn't answer, "Daryl!" She tries again.

"Daryl!" I try myself, but he keeps focus.

Maggie moves and grabs his shoulder, "Daryl!" She says with urgency in her low tone.

He grumbles but moves, and the three of us squeeze into the tight spot. As we wait, my heart beating fast, I hear the door up top open. One, two, three and four steps bang out before the cellar door opens and we can see the man. He starts to look around, going over to a bucket of onions. He picks one up, throws it back down and looks around. As he continues to look around, I feel Maggie move her arm. I look around her, my attention focused on the man the whole time. I see Daryl, his knife held up close to his chest, as if he's going to attack. Maggie keeps her hand on him, and moments later the guy takes a container of goods and leaves. When the top doors are shut, we pile out of our hiding spot. Daryl goes straight to the cellar doors, to look out and Maggie says to him, "you were gonna kill that guy."

He mutters "he was gonna find us."

"He wasn't, and he didn't." She tells him firmly.

"He deserved to die." He murmurs.

Maggie, a few steps behind him whispers to him, "ever since you got here, you haven't said a word to me." He stays frozen, facing the wood door, "would you look at me? Please?"

Daryl turns, and I hear him sniffle, "I'm sorry." He says with his voice breaking, "I'm sorry" he repeats.

I can see the glistening wet tears he's trying to fight back. Maggie returns, "it wasn't your fault."

He argues her, "it was."

"No. It wasn't." She pushes "you're one of the good things in this world. That's what Glenn thought. And he would know, 'cause he was one of the good things, too." She gets out, her breath shaking, "and, uh... I wanted to kill that guy, too. I wanted to string them all up and watch them die. But we have to win." She takes two steps forward and hugs him. Daryl doesn't hug her back but he lets his chin rest on her shoulders, accepting it, "help me win." Daryl nods, telling her he will.

When they break apart, she reaches her arm out for me to take her hand, "we're going to win. All of us, together."

"We will." I add on, knowing that it will happen. Maggie releases my hand, and the three of us just stand around in silence, waiting for Enid to tell us it's safe to come out.